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For You.
For You.
your mythological, with your beauty and your comical,
its astronomical, I find beauty in your every folicle,
with this optical, find myself in complete dillusion,
discrete solutions, I desecrate and release confusions,
I protrude with intrusions, that constitutes me an illusion,
the heavens gave birth, to the face that shines like the sun,
incline its stun, and then I recline as the dazed one,
for days son, I spin off your beauty like a sit-com,
im like a whit-balm, cause I carefully make this shit-calm,
I will never admit-wrong, your dish is on my menu,
My love flows open venue, like that of liquid sinew,
your past was lovely, mine was somethin you aint been-through,
Ive cracked bats, to cats backs, for sayin shit against-you,
but still in the end-you, turn that rosey cheek. saying,
this freak-spraying? tensed to keep my meek-slaying,
speak-praying, for a weak-saying to get your feet-swaying.
As it goes like this,
you got your nails-done, hair-bunned you compare-to-none,
my hearts for frail-fun, I stare stunned as I cherish-one,
my shoulder blades tense, under weight composed of-we,
under this beloved-tree, writing poetry for you to love-me,
from-me, take this flower, hold it close for an hour,
Power shades the beauty of the heart of this coward,
for now, im not gone, think of me, and it makes-you-dream,
when I see the moments, not present I try to wake-an-scream,
but im far past the light, my body swaying-in-motion,
the ropes tight holding my faces smile staying-frozen,
the 4 legs, of destiny rocked and knocked-out-of-position,
after tensing, relax as I casually flock-out-with-precision,
holding-the-parchment, hoping folded-my-hearts-sent,
this isnt darkness, this is beauty in this magical-ending,
eratically-sending, my soul into a state of casual-bending,
fear not, for Ive not departed, without leaving my love-behind,
she was my last memory, so in my mind, she lays entwined.
As I went like that.
Two Links:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=271726
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=271715
I did this pretty fast. tell me what you think with some decent feedback.
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first portion of what you wrote bro shit was hot but yo you had great vocab but you dont need that many big words to have a dope peice :) anyways after the frist portion i got into the piece lemme finish aight end of the first portion im liking how you used a perfect amount of multis in your verse made me see that you got talent in your flowing i shuold give you a test make a new Om some time but see how you got your verse the same amount of lines but the half length of how much yuo wrote its like testing your ability and from my point of view your dope and i can see much in you in a year probably a Legend on RB now Second part i read it and yeah thats when your emotio just starting flowing in toyour imaginary in your verse i was feeing this shit alot keep droping yo maybe we could start a crew one day heh maybe you might try out that om test i asked you to do good shit we should collab some time ya feel me 1
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yea word. ill keep that in mind. thanks for the feed homie.
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i like the use of internal rhyme, not just like end of every sentence crap, nice job stay on ya grind
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ok thanks for the feed. im thinking of puttin it to audio. but i dunno. uppin for some more feed.
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solid peice... rhyme scheme was cool. felt the emotion, nice work
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53 views..3 feed...8 posts total...wow...uppin for feed.
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yo nice drop
ryhimin for the t vs.werd dmc cast ya votes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=271870
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I loved it, It had awsome imagery and I dont think you used to much vocab, it stregthened your words...I could have used more to the storyline but it was goodwork. LATE
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last up for the night. thanks both of you for the feed.
-Peace
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its ight, i felt the flow, had a good ryme scheme, good rymes, Etc
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like what them said... ya doin it well..
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