the addiction.

I embark, kids got a spark of heart
i ripped it out gave it to em good to
the good few that would do most
but instead the boast break and hate
the kids fate that stays harmless
to those who harness the energy
to mend the heat and extend openly
hopin' thee potent will bring an easy
wheezy tipsy feeling that will make
the still hated... person of views
thats the first one to lose, his mark
so the next will embark, just to spark
his heart, but nobody here is tripped
ripped or split, but still they hope
to choke on whatever floats or rocks
the boat or docks, with their look on
things not easily coped with, but hope is
instilled in their head to fear what is said
the same thing that makes them feel good
is bad? No. Yes, it is kids, listen to the
contridiction, i spit within my gifted lenses
but then again i could be wrong..........
but i doubt it so, for within my head
knowledge grows, brain cells live
and those who kill, are already punished
so to extend my hand and widen my arms
i help those who have been enslaved by the
contridiction, the mary jane, the herb
i escape from it myself, & so should you.

You had great external and internal rhymes Diverged. I loved how everything was so well written and the only fault is that I couldnt quite figure out this piece.

hey ricky baby,
you need to start coming on here more often.. but anywho..

this was pretty cool, although it seemed like more of an open mic to me?
But your rhyming was good and i liked the flow as wel l..
Like forshadow said, it was hard to figure out what you were talking about...I don't know if what i gathered from it is right, I'm thinking it had to do with drugs and weed and how it is bad for you, yet kids do it to get that good high feeling.. and you are trying to say that it is wrong to do.. blah i dont know how right that is but that is what i am guessing ? Make sure to let me know babe..
Luv you always *muah*

This would Be an alright Piece if It was considered an Open Mic But seeing How you Have it In The poetic Section..I whould Have to Say That The structure was Off and The vocab Was nice...It Seems You have alot Of Anger In the first Few Lines...But There Wasnt Any emotion In this.. But the imagery Was alright...I Dont really Like the ''Gangsta type'' Poetry Like this...That is for open mic not Poetic Places

The lack of coherent punctuation made this difficult to follow. I'm not sure what these others mean, because this didn't seem very open mic-ish to me at all. I'm thinking though, that Notty is right with her interpretation of this piece however - that is plain enough. And you did okay with the concept, but you could have maybe been more complex with your imagery. This was essentially a nice read but it really needed a little development. Give this a read, if you get the time: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=165612