First Post (Check This)

Let me welcome you to a mind of a disturbed prophet//
Spreading absurd gossip, just the recipe to turn a nerd brolic//
Im so devastated, looking into a mirror knowing that you'll forever hate it//
hoping for your soul to levitated, such a black heart cant be sure heaven made it//
A brain forever rigged with these treacherous thoughts, so i search for innocence every stretch that i walk//
Or every breath that I talk, could be the death of cop. Hop in the squad car after i bludgeon his dog//
The doc took me off my meds, flash backs of foster beds and barley any food to eat//
It fuckin ruined me, but clearly not new to me//
When shit gets to real I just hop in the couch, with a bag full of green like oscar the grouch//
Probably an ounce, On the internet probably shouldn't mention this, but I love weed//
Im Green Goblin like Spiderman nemesis//


Quick couple bars, been a minute.

You got that old school flow shorty. You gotta get adjusted to the times.
But, the old school flow is better than today's bad flow. Am I reaching you?
See. Old school flow has played wordplay/concepts/directions with that low to medium multi syllabic rhyme value.

You got foundation. All you need is elevation to take your writing up to the next level.

Spit some met-a-phors we never met-b-for. You know what I'm saying to you?

Keep doing your thing @Sociopathic

And if you got an alias, speak up. A lot of decade old cats run around here. (I'm not one of them lol)

I suggest checking out @makengknowcentz work, he has a lot of the syllabic type inter-rhymes like frost described.
Funny... a few of you that I know end the bars with the // (is that textbook or something or just coincidence in styles?)

hey welcome to the site my friend...ill give u some honest feedback. this was very basic, you had some alright multies and internals but the substance was really basic and played kinda. really didnt have any complexity, or uniqueness. seemed like a little quick free, if thats what it was or not..? but anyways man. try to work on the flow and make sylabol counts more equal. add some unique substance, add some descriptive words to get some imagery going. keep writing and elevating.