Quicky freestyle

this is something quick..

My mind is obsessed with death and drugs
all these motherfuckers dressin up and acting like thugs
they dont know shit they just acting
thinking they can pick up a mic and do this rap thing
thats just stupid and a waste of time
some of the shit that spills out is like Dr. Suess' rhymes
I walk streets wearing all black
people giving me dirty looks because im flashin my gat
those looks get them really far though
because you think they kept on living? NO
there are dead people in the trunk of my car
when i tell people they say i went to far
im surrounded by hate but that shit dont bother me
my fucking therapist said its because my father wasnt fatherly
but fuck that, that bitch was fucking mental
her ass was burning in that shitty ass honda rental
thats another death scratching up on the board
damn fucking two hundred, well best go add some more
for now im fucking leaving this shit was fun while it lasted
gonna throw on my shoes and go get blasted

criticize me if you want... i just started out tell me what it needs....

You need help,kid. Maybe the SWAT wont get you but most definately your reflection in the mirror will. Lol, just kidding, fair drop...need work on structure and rhyming scheme, like the subject is played and your rhyming was simple but your just starting. Good job, homie, "Peace"

i thought it was ok.your flow was good but lacked in spots and your vocab was basic.but just keep elevatin and i think u will do ok here.

You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback to or this will get closed, Thanks.

sheeesh well ur peice doesn't have ne flow to it..try counting the sylables in your lines....then u need to use a higher volcabulary in you stuff....and it would b better if u did ur peice on a topic instead of an off the top deal

yeah homie I kinda felt this .....wasent the best peice I ever read but not tha worse eightier......need a lil help ............good flow though......I give you a 6/10