the holy grail

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...16#post1049216

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...22#post1049222

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...36#post1049236

i took my training skills that i learned in the dojo/
and left on a quest to find the next level of mojo/
my posessions in a napsack and sandals on my feet/
i walked the rocky road to a random base beat/
i'd heard of a legend told by the old and frail/
of an object called the hip-hop holy grail/
the chalice is only touched by the chosen few/
the rest who failed the test merely froze in view/
of its beauty, so shoot me, thats where i was headed/
keeping my eyes peeled for danger wherever i treaded/
i met a traveller from a distant land/
who told me, to boldly, make my way to the sand/
the great desert of dispair where travellers unaware/
would become forever lost in its gravelly snare/
i walked a 100 miles in the blistering heat/
sweat pouring from my body and hissing at my feet/
dodged rattlesnakes, fought battle dates set along the way/
other emcees could tempt-me and lead my quest astray/
suffering from dehydration, my voice nearly lost/
i wondered if the price was too dear a cost/
i'd nearly turned back before i saw the oasis/
i thought it was a hallucination and faced it/
a man stood at the edge with a mic in his hand/
and told me that to drink i had to fight for this land/

i summoned my last strength and commenced the battle/
threw punches with loud crunches like a foot hitting gravel/
he acknowledged my skill and gave me the draught of life/
he grinned a sad smile with a laugh of spite/
said he'd taken the same quest and met with failure/
found himself banished by the holy grail, the saviour/
he'd been cursed to man this post until the end of time/
to rend the minds of travellers and pen his rhymes/
he was a veteran very few men where better then/
if no-one could get the grail his curse would never end/
i learned the next step in my path of trails/
to find the speakerbox palace, a task thats wild/
confront the gatekeeper who was holding the keys/
show him my steez and make the man bow to his knees/
"how do you plead?" i said guilty and continued to walk/
it was a full days travel with many sinews and forks/
in the road, now feeling bold with the sun on my back/
i picked up my pace and began to run on the track/
the spires came into view on the red horizon/
i stared in awe, no denying the sight was surprisin'/
there were towers 300 feet high and covered in amps/
that glared without light like they were smothered in lamps/
another quick glance, the message could be told in braile/
this was the next step to the holy grail/

tight drop....easy to read, with a nice scheme....a good use of vocab, creating some nice imagery....decent multis... and i liked the topic, interesting kept me reading.....all round good drop....pZ........the best ive read today..

yea man this was a long piece but I felt it...nice story tellin track...simple flow that was easy to catch..had some nice rhymes in it...like the way u rhymed "holy grail" and "old and frail" I never thought of that...

pretty tite drop..I'm too sleepy to give a longer crit tho..u maybe coulda used more vocabulary in certain parts...but I'm just trying to find things to complain about now...not many multis I guess..but who fuckin cares u had good rhymes..lol

peace

yup...this was pretty damn long...but the multiez and flow were good...I also like the concept and the way you stuck to the subject...now holla back at my piece called "Guess Who"...it's a keystyle and the title is the product of lack of a better name...lol

Pretty much what Deva said. I didn't even notice those "Holy grail" and "Old and frail" rhymes. And it was long.

But damn... it's cause I got caught up in it. You told a story there, and I gotta say to hold my attention says a lot. Much respect for that. And yeah, the peice seemed a bit simple with the short lines and stuff, but there was more to it. More, at least, than I noticed.

~Islam~

uppin this^^

hey necro, the lines were short because....this was being written for an audio which i recorded yesterday. keep your eyes peeled for the track!