Gone, But Not Forgotten

Memeries Pass In Visions..
..Remenicing When Hate & Love Made Colisions..
Killed Our Best Intentions
Of Creating A Future For Us
..With Kids To Watch A Definition Of Love & Trust..
Whenever Their Eyes Seen Us
We Always Made Conversation
..Together We Built A Love Strong With A Foundation..
Until You Granted A Kiss Of Humiliation
I Didn't Inticipate The Future In Time
..Cared Enormisouly For You You Didn't Judge The Half Blind
Cause You Were An 'Angel Of Mine'
Found Out Aaron Craved You
..He's My Best Friend You My Best Girl I Didn't Know What To Do..
I Was Scared & Confused
Then That Afternoon You Left
..We Argued Denied Feelings Of Love & Slaughtered Our Repects..
Now All I Have In Life Is Regrets
Guilt Fills My Soul; A Choice Rotten
..I Let You Move On Now Tears Damp My Cheek I Can't Stop Em'
Your Now Gone, But Not Forgotten

I'll Edit This With Two Links When I Get Home...
Dev
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...09#post1212309
Bigg E Z
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...28#post1212328

upppen

I beg you plz peep the links in my sig...

Vocab- nice not too heavy... and it all worked to create an even flow that really didn't need much to read... i thinks you should be checkin the spellin though... cuz it's hard to read some of it...

Flow/Structure - always put these on the top man... i love a piece that flows regardless of anything else... but on the other hand... a multi/internal structure is all about complexity... and this was something missing i thought... i love simplicity though and the emotional weight of the work needs bare bones...

Not sure if it is the best it can be but it was very good for me... i liked the material and it didn't put me to sleep...

remember to peep my battle and open mic or one or the other i don't care as long as i can get some feedback

i thought you carried this well. dispite some people saying the structure us fucked... i go on flow to a beat , and it went..... so.... yeah along with the content and schheme with this... decent drop..

rule...You are very dope! <-auto reply :)

"Slaughered Our Respects"
really good metaphor, was my favourite wordplay in the whole piece.
you had great wordplay and stuff, but I had difficulty finding any flow in my head. I know too much emphasis is put on flow nowadays, but its nice to have the words come together and roll off the tongue. I think you added a large amount of vocab that didn't need to be there...you need to find a balance between vocab and flow.

anyways, do you listen to Neil Young?
cause in his song "Hey Hey, My My" it goes:
"the king is gone but he's not forgotten, this is the story of a Johnny Rotten, it's better to burn out than to fade away, the kind is gone but he's not forgotten"

just wonderinng.

Thanks everybody...

And maven...I got this title from a book i'm reading...and just kinda put something quick to it...but thanks for looking at it

it was a nice piece man. Flowed good i feel it was a touching topic. Really enjoyed the read acctualy. Some things that could improve is the structure and i dont like the mix of upper and lower case. Anyways props to you :)

return the fev plz
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=116179