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some shit i wrote
Baby, remember how you used tell me that you loved my rugged image,
But now we cant communicate, well ya cant go past the line of scrimmage
You said that you wanted me, but baby I let you down, and gave ya frown
Baby I was so immature, baby if I was a king I’d give up ma crown
Just to be with you, babe I would kill just to spend a night out with you
Must be n I luv,I never felt this way, I guess in this case my love is true
Just tell wat can I do, we chose our separate paths,, that cancel out each otha
Trust betrayed , by your click ,cuz sum financial shit, now we sperated foreva
But lemme tell you before I’m gone, I wanted you, yo soul baby just you
Out of all the girls I would sleep I want you, spend time, puff dimes wit you
But sadly the tides of time pushed u out of the way, I dreamed of makin luv
To a beautiful blonde, but for now its so long, god gimme or take me above
Through you departure, every second was hell, and finally it rings a bell
That I should stayed ahead of the game, not play lame, now I’m cursed
I wouldn’t mine knowing, that if I don’t get you,tomorrow I get hearsed
Well now I tryin tell you how I feel, but you say I cant cause of groups
So now I stay home a lot, boardin on fruity loops, slagin n playin hoops
But I want you, but if you don’t want me I guess that’s to bad, cause my life
Is worthless piece of trash, I struggle to get by, but it would be better by yo side
Just wanted tell you, girl your special, I want you back , don’t need money
Hopefully you miss me too, at if I’m gone maybe your eyes will get a lil runny
Sayin damn that best boy I’ve been with, hje actually gave a fuck about me
But ii just wanted you to know that your worth a universe without you honey
Yo girl I want you to let me touch your chest and so I can get you heart back
Yo body ,your mind, your soul is like greater then Venus, a true art artifact
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eeeeeeelllllllllllllllllloooooooooooooooooo
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that was some nice shyt dude.. i posted bout tha same shyt check it out
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=138404
ur structure can be a lil better
but i got 6 posts..what do i know
Peace
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ya kidd'n me riiight.. lol give me an example.. how did it not rhyme?
J/c
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leave my dude alone.. hes new at this shyt.. and hes doin better..
notice u didnt mention ne of my shyt tho...
And if u read a lil faster, u could tell that this rhymed..
If there's one thing u should know, know this
I love tha way u act, smile, laugh, walk, talk ~infact~
U drive me wiled, Everytime u come'around ~its bliss~
If there's one thing u should know, know that..
Id take a bullet 4 u, always treat ya good nvr ~lie~
And b a shoulder u can "cry" on, n thats a fact..
To some one special i dedicate this to, and if its u
Then now u know, All tha feelings i have ~in store~ < tha rest was wierd i
admitt, lol but i was in a hurry to toke
Its all good.. u had some good shyt.. i aint gonna lie cuz u thynk my shyt didnt rhyme.. we all have or own opionion..thanx for urs.. feedback is what i wanted..it sucks is what i got.. so.. Peace :thumbup:
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that would screw up the flow in alota ways
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u sound sprung nigga, is that cuz thats ur only gurl that u ever had??!! n e ways how u gon say i suck when u real garbage.... i mean u probably feel good cuz a real newbie said it was coo, n e ways elevate major n imma keep the same in mind...gone
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yo you dint even say why i suck? your gonna die.
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This was ok man....I like reading the love stuff haha...But yeah structure could use some work though....Shorten the lines up a bit cause that threw the flow off of the piece, should try to keep them all around the same length or same syllabol count...the content of this was alright, i just think it could have been better maybe, just not really into the approach you took to it but it made a good read none the less...overall a decent piece here.
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not if u rhyme good, and u stick to tha sylablles<--- i know i spelled that wrong. i dont give a fuck tho u know what i mean..peace
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because ihave a habit of witing in free verse and then modifying it, so i get lazy
