Virgin Composition (Collab- Wicked & Tactixx)
Virgin Composition
This crumbled up loose leaf soothes me,
And it’s brown edges make me loose sleep,
As I read this paper, and I review these
Almost ancient words, that paint this urge,
To grow, to learn, and sustain the surge
That made me grab a pen the first time.
That made me urge rhymes, and word lines
In ways that would help us to merge minds.
And, mother, I love those old memories.
When you would teach, and I'd begin to see
Outside the box; it’s what you instilled in me.
A writer’s spirit; grammar, to new concepts.
You taught me to stay in a given context
So It’s hard to see my beautiful mom rest....
But this 1st poem I wrote triggers this child
Not to morn, but remembered with smiles
So I’ll write as memories sustain this purge,
You gave the gift to paint pictures with words.
My beloved son, together we shared a unique bond
You had a passion for writing, and you needed songs
You'd plead and stomp So I helped free your thoughts
Our bond is lost, but fear not, Still I see and watch
I witnessed your gifts blossom and your talents rise
I see you apologize and cry for my untimely demise
A thousand times I'd try to guide your true potential
Instilled in you the truth, and a few new essentials
you grew from crayons to pencils, still I feel pride
see you read our first poem and watch you die inside
Its not your fault dont cry, I will always be with you
But one thing is true... I love you son and I'll miss you
First verse-Wicked
second verse-Tactixx
Links:http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=142702
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=142526
Re: Virgin Composition (Collab- Wicked & Tactixx)
RTF'ing for Tactixx, but its only fair to feed both cats on the verse, so i'll start with Wicked's shit.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Tactixx
And, mother, I love those old memories.
When you would teach, and I'd begin to see
Outside the box; it’s what you instilled in me.
A writer’s spirit; grammar, to new concepts.
You taught me to stay in a given context
:2thumb: straight. i'm sure you don't need an explanation of why i thought this was nice.
i also like the way you pulled back from;
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Tactixx
Almost ancient words, that paint this urge,
To grow, to learn, and sustain the surge
to then finish on;
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Tactixx
So I’ll write as memories sustain this purge,
You gave the gift to paint pictures with words.
dunno, just seemed to fall back in so simply, even though it wasnt even close together flow wise, it seemed to reinforce the first two bars for the message that, in effect, won't stop comin. that was nice.
my criticism here would be, that you should prolly be a bit wary of recycling rhymes unless it lends to a poetic repetition, which it did here, so well done it worked nicely - but be careful of using similar methods when it doesnt.
now onto Tactixx verse;
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Tactixx
My beloved son, together we shared a unique bond
You had a passion for writing, and you needed songs
You'd plead and stomp So I helped free your thoughts
Our bond is lost, but fear not, Still I see and watch
I witnessed your gifts blossom and your talents rise
I see you apologize and cry for my untimely demise
A thousand times I'd try to guide your true potential
Instilled in you the truth, and a few new essentials
you grew from crayons to pencils, still I feel pride
see you read our first poem and watch you die inside
Its not your fault dont cry, I will always be with you
But one thing is true... I love you son and I'll miss you
i liked this the whole way through man. on some personal shit, fair play though, cause ya got ya emotions over to the reader pretty well in the piece. there wasn't really a noticeable dip in the quality overall, n it sounds like some royce da 5'9 shit he did for his kid.. can't remember name of the track but ya, this was nice man.
Wicked:
your flow dropped off where ya had a few lines that didn't rhyme so good, cause ya rhymescheme seemed to drop on un-even bars. but, as always, i aint gonna say you couldnt make it flow, cause you may well be able to. its jus when ya droppin the text wit no audio, it throws the reader if ya flow is a little awkward to grasp at first - which happens when you got a unique flow. aint a bad thing at all if ya can work it.
Tactixx:
keep playin wit ya multies dawg, you gettin shit on point here. keep workin on perfectin your flow, cause ya gettin damn close to a nice rhythm. i cant really give you too much negative feed here, cause i actually quite liked your drop. not the most lyrical i've read, its true, but it got me elsewhere, so its all good.
you grew from crayons to pencils, still I feel pride
see you read our first poem and watch you die inside
^^ ur nicest bar, for me.
Wicked, if you could RTF on http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=1#post6772442 it'd be appreciated.
propz to both emcees, was a pretty easy read with a straight forward theme, and ya both kept to it nicely. 1
Re: Virgin Composition (Collab- Wicked & Tactixx)
merciful fuck.. i didn't realise this piece was from 2004... my bad dawg i didn't see the date tag, or i woulda hit up a more recent piece.. shit, im a fuckin warlock or some shit, ressurectin shit so old... my bad, i can be a idiot when im drunk, i jus don't pay attention.
throw me a link to more recent shit n i'll hit it up. 1
