FreeDumb

I didnt write this, it wrote me.

I need time to think
Think about how i'm distinct
Dinstinct from these rhymes i speak
I speak them intertwined with meaning
I mean i'm defined between them
Between each line is freedom
Freedom to disguise my dreams and
Hide what i see when
My eyes believe true lies tied to false hope
And hope falls behind my walls broke
My soul soaks.. up the pieces to coax
Every piece of me that chokes
On the daggers
Of every back stabber who has a bone to pick
But I make no bones of it and expose'm quick
Who's friend, who's foe, who's both to Rich
Who's toes to miss when im throwing a fit
Thrown in the mix of this melting pot
Sweltering hot chics only stir up the top
Top of the ladder where pockets are fatter
Where birds churp to words that dont even matter
Chit-chatter and cake scatters the batter of the fake
And gathers the pigeons to fit in the hole that they make
Pigeon-holed to shake.. What Your Mama Gave Ya!!
Instead of acting... How Your Mama Raised Ya!!
Will turn you into.. Just Another Flavor!!
Of the month, but i wont front.. i'll taste ya
Replace the.. bitch with some cents and dollars
A dog-eat-dog world, yet.. i cant afford a collar
But..
I got collered shirts for work with matching ties
Work all my life like a jerk
And my worth still passes by
Bypasses every effort i've tried.. to give to my pocket
If sky's the limit, then my debt is a rocket
I reach to stop it and pull my arms out they socket
The key is to lock it and throw away the key
But when i key in my code the atm laughs at me
And me talking about money is either blasphamy, or
The Lord has a cents of humor...
Cause i didn't ask to be poor
So pour another glass for me dawg
Let me get blasted before
Im stuck behind the glass in the morgue
Cause after all..
I still need time to think
Think about how i'm distinct
Dinstinct from these rhymes i speak
I speak them intertwined with meaning
I mean i'm defined between them
Between each line is freedom.

Freedom is a state of mind.

You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed/deleted, Thanks.

you had a great flow in this one. i liked the message and your style. i really can't find anything that bothered me in this piece so big ups.

LOL.. look at Credz.. still with that open mic link bullshit

No Links, If you want it re-opened PM me with links :)

Will provide links soon.. Feedback appreciated

good piece evolve. (btw, this is feeble.. i just realized my dope newbie name im posting on.)

I didnt write this, it wrote me.

I need time to think
Think about how i'm distinct
Dinstinct from these rhymes i speak

too simplistic for my liking... ^ .. you seem a little bit rusty right here.

I speak them intertwined with meaning
I mean i'm defined between them
Between each line is freedom
Freedom to disguise my dreams and
Hide what i see when

nice, heres the non rusty evolve ^ lol . what i like about yuor style sometimes, is that you say so much in so few words. your open mics always have a point to them, untrue of a lot of open mic heads.


My eyes believe true lies tied to false hope
And hope falls behind my walls broke
My soul soaks.. up the pieces to coax
Every piece of me that chokes

ehh, i think you could have explained a little better what you meant here, like what kind of false hopes.. what you meant by true lies... could have added some detail.

On the daggers
Of every back stabber who has a bone to pick
But I make no bones of it and expose'm quick
Who's friend, who's foe, who's both to Rich
Who's toes to miss when im throwing a fit

this would have flowed better in the last line if you said "when i throw a fit" . I particulkarly liked the "whos both to rich" line, to me that was talking about those kind of people who act like a friend but then... really arent and are just using you etc.. i liked it a lot for some reason.

Thrown in the mix of this melting pot
Sweltering hot chics only stir up the top
Top of the ladder where pockets are fatter
Where birds churp to words that dont even matter
Chit-chatter and cake scatters the batter of the fake
And gathers the pigeons to fit in the hole that they make
Pigeon-holed to shake.. What Your Mama Gave Ya!!
Instead of acting... How Your Mama Raised Ya!!
Will turn you into.. Just Another Flavor!!
Of the month, but i wont front.. i'll taste ya

Lol .. some of this was kind of silly, like the nelly-ish "shake what ya momma gave ya" line. but, ok.

Replace the.. bitch with some cents and dollars
A dog-eat-dog world, yet.. i cant afford a collar
But..
I got collered shirts for work with matching ties
Work all my life like a jerk
And my worth still passes by

Good bar again, had a lot of meaning to it. thats the kind of work i like to see from you, cuz u do it best.

Bypasses every effort i've tried.. to give to my pocket
If sky's the limit, then my debt is a rocket

good metaphor.

I reach to stop it and pull my arms out they socket
The key is to lock it and throw away the key
But when i key in my code the atm laughs at me

rofl ..

And me talking about money is either blasphamy, or
The Lord has a cents of humor...
Cause i didn't ask to be poor
So pour another glass for me dawg
Let me get blasted before
Im stuck behind the glass in the morgue
Cause after all..
I still need time to think
Think about how i'm distinct
Dinstinct from these rhymes i speak
I speak them intertwined with meaning
I mean i'm defined between them
Between each line is freedom.

Freedom is a state of mind.



overall; a good open mic. definitely not your best, but i'd rate it 8.5/10 .

:thumbup:

Tight as fuck as usual, my man...

Great flow...great descriptions.

Lots of good wordplay and irony here...

I especially liked the "ATM laughing at you line"...

Nice to see ya back...

Peace

word....what born said...clearly a goodpiece.
flow was tight...could of bin abit more content
but this shit was v/nice man..keep at it.

Dope man, but on the opening stanza's the flow was off I need time to think
Think about how i'm distinct
Dinstinct from these rhymes i speak
I speak them intertwined with meaning
I mean i'm defined between them
Between each line is freedom
Freedom to disguise my dreams and
Hide what i see when

You see, there weren't really enough words, it didn't flow correctly.