Uptown Prince

lets get down to buisness no time for small talk//
im the prince of uptown throw down peddles when i walk//
i paid my due, fallowin clues like blues paw print//
niggaz dont talk tough thats how you get ya jaw bent//
i make money in the hood rappin on street corners//
or shakin up bones head crackin on street corners//
i aint start it but im gone be the end of the game//
no one hit wonder yall gone remember my name//
jae... a.k.a young breez//
im gone stay up in the hood like government cheese//
i flow sick like a sex transmitted disease//
niggaz have a hard time flowin i do it wit eas//
i only got one goal take over the spot//
im gone get sales like 50 when his first cd dropped//
he cursed hip hop//
every since he said he been popped//
all these rappers runnin round bragin bout bein shot//
not JAE he HOTT//
catch me on the block flowin from beats off trash can tops//
for hours off a old school b-box//
inspired from listenin to 50 and d-block//

Okay,.. Not a bad piece, but your bars are really short .. Which I'm not a fan of, but it works for some people , you my friend are not one of those people ... no hate, your not a bad emcee, just consider writtin longer bars, with more intellect ...

real short piece, im not really into the pieces that arent topical style but it wasnt a bad read.. Expand on your bars i.e. line length and make some of you lines longer "government cheese" and things like that i wasnt really feeling... Keep elvating.

Your structure needs work. Your short set-ups, that didn't rhyme should be put in the beginning of the next line. Then you can work on the verse's context. You attempted wordplay, keep that up.

yeah your sturcture needs work....

try goin form

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to

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makes it better... flow n all... but not bad for your first peice you had some alright covab... just keep working at it work on the basics and youll find elevation fast.

yo kid u cant rap fo nuttin//
i can rap better than u, kid u just aint nuttin//
so back off now, cuz u'll get yourself hurt//
boy u crazy.........your name should worse//
buddy this man got game, man u in the shame//
im better than u, cuz im in the hall of fame//
boy u down below the list, cuz u suck so bad//
its ok man u got beat..... don't get sad//
man this a rap battle, so suck it up//
this man got game i won now so fuckin shut up//

^you tryin to come at my head but ya bars is weak//
dog you say you got game but.. talk is cheap//
if you got game then show me//
you'll never match me nigga fuck you blow me//
jae aint goin no where im here to stay//
you wonna battle bitch set the time and day// :gfy: :shoot:

its not that my bars is short i made it to where when you read it you can read it the way its writtin and said i fixed it now :thumbup: but i apreciate yall advice except that bitch ass nigga man got game

how bout u set the time and day//
man u in shame but thats ok//
you act all hard but you really ain't nuttin//
dis man got game ima show u a lil somethin//
jae hott ur talk is garbage//
just like ur house...its full of garbage//
u wish u could beat man got game//
u wish u could be in the hall of fame//
but ur nowhere near the fame//
every day ur in shame to this day//

man got game you suck you not even worth me battlin you weak up ya game and come see me you shitty :thefinger

I Would Like To Battle Anyone That Wanna Battle I Perfer A Nigga But A Bitch Will Be Even Better.