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angel
When I wake I prey an angel will light my day
my eyes stay aimed to the sky and heavens way
dark clouds pass and sin rains on me constantly
all is difficult, harmony and honesty seem bothering
my road to righteousness stopped me on a red
drown down in a depressing perpetual dread
I am forever still in a world of rushing motion
going through the motions without commotion
deafening silence surrounds my empty solitude
due to a forced home brewed malicious attitude
wits end is stringing a forsaken roped noose
when an epiphany dashes the and form a truce
though the window a single white rose falls
and angel drifts in my midst and reassures all
seducing beauty subdues my consciousness
her presence arouses my ill fated happiness
and suddenly with a breeze we are connected
the hairs on my arm become alert and erected
once dejected her brilliance exhibits a new hope
I fall into her grasp and feel a loosened rope
all of life is contrived through a random meeting
a surprise visit from mother kept my heart beating
she was an angel in disguise, I just didnt see
but she was there all along, thank you mommy
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When I wake I prey an angel will light my day
my eyes stay aimed to the sky and heavens way
dark clouds pass and sin rains on me constantly
all is difficult, harmony and honesty seem bothering
deafening silence surrounds my empty solitude
due to a forced home brewed malicious attitude
though the window a single white rose falls
and angel drifts in my midst and reassures all
seducing beauty subdues my consciousness
her presence arouses my ill fated happiness
nice.. im feelin the way you put this together.. very nice, good imagery and description, steady.. very good vocab, and some nice consistancy, i quoted my fav parts.. good piece, hit mine up
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This was a deep verse the structure and vocab were fine but you need to work on your flow but you got good emotion in the rhymes so it was cool.
The imagery was fine but i thought there were to many big words in there to be as emotional as you wanted it to be.
Return the favour.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=173174
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thank you for the feedback guys
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It was a dope verse... ya imaginary was there keep up....piece...
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I was feelin' the way you twisted everythin'. It went together nicely. Big UpZ!!
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Interesting Drop.
Little Wordplay.
Few Multies.
Rhyme Scheme Was Average.
Imagery Played The Key Role.
Good Shit.
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yo that was sweet man like good job
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yo homie i was feeling this piece all da way.....i like your imagery!...thats wthat you specialize in huh?...it seems like you just INSTANTLY paint a pikture in my head evrytime i read your drops!...there were no need for much multies in here and the rhyme scheme was perfect for this piece!....as always keep up tha good shit homie and much PROPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh can you hit these up much appreciated it:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=173698
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=173321
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You definatly did your thing fam. Nice story, great ending. Consistant all the way through.
Favorite lines:
I am forever still in a world of rushing motion
going through the motions without commotion
deafening silence surrounds my empty solitude
due to a forced home brewed malicious attitude
thats some ill ish man. Keep doing ur thing.
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nice drop great emotion level you put into this it felt heartfelt and that are the kinda of pieces i really enjoy ready you had a good flow alos with good use of vocab you really knew what you were talking about and not just rambling on about nothing this really had a point great job please return the favor on my piece thank you
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damn thanks for the feed everybody. havent got this much for a while. i will hit up everybodies piece tomorrow. thank you
