passion

thanks for the feedback on my first post, its time to get real
check um

i live in a good neighborhood low crime, low poverty,
but my sould still rots and my mind weakens for suburbia isn't me,
i appreciate don't discriminate for i am a muslim male
i live in a time being oppressed against the rail
never wished for my life to be like this
wishing for something real, hoping for that life of true bliss
i've dreamed of the old days when life was easy
a lil boring maybe a lil chessy
but i wasn't worried about being shunned cuz of my religion
so its time for us americas to make a big decision
will we defy the male becuz of his beliefs
oh do we come together help him out send him some relief
its our choice, me, i'll begin the revolution
i can't force u to help the cause this is an option
but i live in fear that the time of peace is close to done
and i'll be a prey hunted shunned and on the run

You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.

It was aight. Ya need to work on better rhymes. What ya sayin is true and there are a lot of idiots out there discriminating. Ya structure is choppy which takes away the flow. Use some multi's also. Keep workin but try harder.

You can edit your line for closer length to help your flow. This looked like a personal drop, and there was emotion in it, keep that up. You had some good concepts, work on upping your vocab and rhyming.