Lemme Show Y'all How A Topical Joint Is Sposed To Flow..

Haha, its unfinished - Im just warming up for my return to the RSTL. Peep:


Links:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=184341
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=178618


Bitter Sweet Revenge

Mike the hot head, from round the way
Was shot dead, and found today
The cops said, a glock spread, his dome all around the place
...
.. He's now replaced, on the block - By a member of a rival gang
Goin by the name of Molotov, Who's waited his whole life to bang
Not quite a man,
He's 17, and tryna meet lifes tight demands
He mans the block, slangin' rocks,
Concealing crack inside his hand
Younger kids within the hood, look up to him like Spiderman.
He started selling by the gram...
... Gradually he moved to bricks.
Still relatively new to this, but learning fast. He used to skip -
School as to pursue the strip.
Money never out his mind.
The winter cold had grew descript; I guess this was about the time...
.
.
.
BANG!
.
.
.
BANG!
.
.
.

You had excellent flow here and you wrote with decent vocabulary. The purpose of the piece I suppose was to show how OMs should be written, hence the title and you did well. This sounded very much like it was written in a structure and flow that would suit audio... That was interesting in itself. I thought it could've been longer but that wasn't the point of the piece. It was a good short story... I liked it.

If you could check out "Past and Present" by myself and AMEND I'd appreciate it.

Peace

Yeah, it could've been longer, but it isn't, because it's not even finished.

Rofl, I was trying to show Issue how to flow a topical piece. The fact its not finished doesnt matter .. I think only Dev got the point and appreciates it for what it is.

On that note, i'll be responding to his piece. :^)

Someone delete all that first page bullshit. DaMn.

Thanks for trying to help out Cam, God knows I have been doing the same with the new batch of RBers, but sometimes it feels like a wasted effort. I guess most are under the impression, that a topical verse is closer to poetry than an actual audio verse. Now I guess you can say that works sometimes, but for the most part, a topcical should be geared towards audio. You SHOULD be able to drop a topical verse on an audio track, and it is a good practice to start your topical ventures this way. That is until the average writer elevates far enough to pull off other types of drops. I am not sure how we can make this point clear to the kids, but that example you posted should have been crystal clear.

I am thinking about revising the rules in here, Diss verses and battle type verses should not make their way into OM, unless they are dope as fuck, and still only once in a while.


Thanks for giving a shit Cam, it's appreciated...

-Bounce

Your first three lines, the flow was tight...then you seemed to kinda fall off, but this was still pretty cool.

Dope drop Baron the flow was pretty nice..

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Jaecen

Your first three lines, the flow was tight...then you seemed to kinda fall off, but this was still pretty cool.

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Hell nah, the scheme just changes - thats all.

P.S - Cheers Bounce ..

cough

Yes, okay, thanks to you too for editing out all mine and Issue's garbage ..

np.