HeadCase

A Sedative Production

Introduction

A serious faced man, no other explination
Two men with guns, carryin a case and
Two mill worth a coke, what will he do now
Write a love letter, to the woman he loves now
But bullets never loaded themslefs
And the devil took em, hell was his wealth
Dead was his trial at mouth
The only way in was escape
Breakin free was capture
pleaded guilty for havin no faith
mind floatin in infinit space
He was the head
He was the case.

HeadCase

Cox back a bullet, I dare you to kill the one you love
Shoot the mirror, becasue there is no emotion of love
Hate, hate is what we feed, greed, greed, money
money is our need, indeed success breeds on money
Its funny, haha, victims get the same shock every time
Case they all get the same final speach every time
Screamin, i love it, then pull out my tech nine
Tech sign, teach is a sign, god damn it rhyms
Pull down the blinds and cover the victim in alchol
Lick it off em, OD on intoxication, then wreak their walls
And if its a guy then slit his balls, haha I said balls
Cant find those in the mall, but ya can find a staple gun at a mall
Target practice, If i miss, then I move closer,
Turn em from a cup to a coaster
Dosent make sense? fuck it ill make you make sense
How about I hang you from the top of a fence
With your dick in your mouth, a knife in your hand
Better slit your throat, or sustain the pain at hand
And every no name is my brand
I cut them up and eat their stomach acid
When I dump um in the lake, the lake aint placid
Mastering Feng Shway, and Ying and yang
Hmm.. now where in my basement should this body hang?
Ring .. the doorbell, pizza delivery
Ima cut you up into little pepperony titties
Lick them, and staple tin foil to the nipples
Light em on fire, rub my horny nipples
I like dripping, mmmm fireplace ash
tastes like lifeless, so does hash
Hash, am i gonna die?
Rule #1 Drug Dealers
- Dont get high on your own supply.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...213#post2296213
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...220#post2296220

Uppin

this was good and i enjoyed readin it, overall 7.5/10!,man keep it up and i'll give ya other peices 8's and 9's, i neva gave 10's,but i might sum day!maybe it will be your pieces,you have the potential!!:)

Thx for feed skrib, bump

good peice mayne.......good vocab........good structure......overall pretty good........good shit keep it up..........

i was feelin that, overall i give it an 8/10, keep doin yo thing

its decent i dont like how you use the same word at the end of each line cause it makes it feel like it aint rhyme even though you use weak multis i still think its wack. your imagery was ight coulda been a lot better. but overall i think this peice deserves an C-

rtf in my Om's lonks in the sig.

THis bitch was made to make sense to sumone up high on hash, thats why it dont have proper structure, Bump

seamed like a song verse. Your flow seemed off here and there, and you rhymed the same words too many times. Real simple, but topic was done nicely. You didn't drift off at all, stayed on point with the subject.


Best Bar:
Cox back a bullet, I dare you to kill the one you love
Shoot the mirror, becasue there is no emotion of love
^using a different rhyming word woulda made this better


Overall, not bed. Deffinately elvate man. Keep dropping pieces and take constructive, not destructive critisizm.

Good stuff.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by MakeShyft

THis bitch was made to make sense to sumone up high on hash, thats why it dont have proper structure, Bump

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It's less about the structure that was a problem, more the rhyming. It seemed you either couldn't come up with a rhyme to end the line so you rhymed the same word. For the content however, you seemed to get into the character. The introduction helped to set the scene.
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