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The Diary Of A Gangsta
The Diary of a Gangsta...
By The Untouchable One
::Tha Beginning::
When I began to walk on my feet, I first started to learn the streets
Livin through poverty, stugglin for money, always feelin hungry in my tummy
Im a Gangsta, I say it proud to astound the crowd,
But as a little child, I begin the prophecy,
Of remaining and displayin the peace I bring to tha streets
As a toddler, I had a good imagination, drew explicit gang sign incarnations,
Watch my daddy get lacarations from a a member of the black nation
Our own brothers with the same color killing each other
There I knew I would fight for survival, cant trust a nigga,
And cant live by the bible.
So mild, the cops let the crime run wild
Either they scared, or plain just dont care
So nomatter what I must fend for myself, so I aided my mom with her health
As she passed, I cried and gasped, at 5 yrs old I felt trapped,
And insisted with a knife to my throat to give my life back
::Formation of a Gangsta::
I fought to survive, everyday drugs consuming my life
Teenage years, but rugged and damaged and a horrible sight
I still fight, and I truly never knew wrong from right
So I never sweated taking a life when the occasion arrives
So forsaken, and I sat sometimes waiting, but death was delaying
I was staying, but why I never knew, but I became a gangsta as I grew
And found an attitude with a bad mood
Just the prelude to the rude obnoxious fueds I had with crews
Niggas would take my shoes, but I moved, slight and smooth,
And slowly took my rank above these fools
I grasped life, and when the sky went from bright to a dark night
I would strike, at every site I would leave a mangled body for surprise
People would die for simple lies...and I would stare them right in their eyes
Because being a gangsta meant I had to do it this way, born a stray...
Live to die everyday...so at my young age I simply got high and awaited my demise
::The Fall::
I felt I had it all, the drugs, power, and the law
Blinded by it all, I was living life through a straw
Simply put, I had no worries at all,
I felt I was invincible and Untouchable and would never fall
N' U could never tell me i was wrong
Because I felt the power, and I felt so strong
By reign lasted so long, I began to relax and go soft
But I was still energetic like a moth,
But I slouched, took advantage of my leather couch
And felt to protected with tha money I had to count
And like that is was over, life shortened like grass from a lawn mower
No gangstas, no heros, It was all sad, just cops and filled body bags
::The End::
Uppin for rates
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You need to get two links, to two OMs you left decent feedback on, or this gets closed, thanks.
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Not a bad OM man.
I think you wanna choose your rhyme selection better.
If you do that, you'll find that you have a better flow.
But the way you told it was okay.
Very cliche, but that donesn't really matter if u wanna write about it.
Keep it up.
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nice, true shit too cuz n u put it tagether perfect
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Yo i was feelin the story nigga... i can relate ta that shit homie... very well thought out story, vocab was good in tha beginning but kinda went down hill frum there... rhyming was ok, i dono it seemed like u was tryin 2 hard 2 rhyme, you gotz 2 practive that more, real good rappers know when to stop a rhyme and can cleverly move on ta tha next yanoe? i liked how u rhymed 2-3 times in one bar, just sumtimes in ur piece it got 2 complicated and u lost ur flow in result o that... i wasnt feelin the flow that much but the message overpowered it, it was more of a textual spit rather than a wax spit...
And like that is was over, life shortened like grass from a lawn mower
i really was feelin that line man, good simile...
keep an eye for my shit in an hour or so... jus touchin it up, hope ta get it out thurr 2day
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Thanks for the feed man...and I take all criticism to heart, and use it...
Ill rate Ur ish when U get it posted...
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This was a deep piece and had a lot of good points! The structure swayed a lil but still kept on topic a good piece! Keep it up
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nothing bad here man but nothing
outstanding just a nice read..the structure
needs to be improved dont stretch
your lines likewise dont use bold all the
way thrue just newbish.the peice was
wuite deep tho and your emotion came
across well...also vocab could be up'd
overall not a bad read keep at it.Cu.
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Thanks for the feed man...
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Some editing of syllable count would make the piece more smooth, try to get the lines closer. You made an effort at complex rhyming, but with practice you'll realize which ones are forced...like hungry in my tummy, when you follow that by I'm a gangsta. It throws you off what you want to say with the piece, which is what happens with forced rhymes. The good points of the piece that stood out were your emotion and how the verses came off as personal.
Return the feedback
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