revelations told by six (re-opened 4 replies)

the streets is a collaboration with satian to portray his devilish art//
as god cries blood youll begin to see the heavens part//
and seven angles not of beauty but of the arch//
sent from the clouds above to tear the ground apart//
the first angle will play the trumpet of the wind//
to clean up the disease brought by the 4 horseman//
the second angle will play the violin of wrath//
the third angle will bring wormwood which will turn most of the earht to ash//
the fourth angle will begin its way towards the bottomless pit//
while all of the innocent kids are gathered by the 5th//
the sixth angle will hold the key to blaspheme//
and a book of knowledge written by jon baptist the king//
which is said to hold the future past and present and everything between//
the sixth angle will have to swallow it//
by then the 4th angle will have reached the pit that is said to be bottomless//
and they will bring forth the beast//
then the seventh angle will appear lead it towards the east///

to be continued....
links:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=214908
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=214831

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First take away the dashes at the end of your lines man... But you didn have a decent flow but no multies... The imagery was pretty weak but you could work on that... Try to make your lines alll one length... Stay up...

thinks for the constructive critisism and i will work on that shit you pointed out too

yes you should elevate...the dashes are pointless and noobish.....they look fucked up...your bars were too stretched at certain points...your flow was off and your wordplay and vocab could use elevation....not too bad though...keep elevatin and droppin.~1~

allright yall word play, structure and elevation thats what i need ... preciate it peoples keep me in line maybe i could win a battle

this was ok but need work on not puttin dem lines it just messes up the way ppl read them but the song it self i lik but u cn at lest put mo feeling in 2 it so it cn catch more veiwers to check ur peice but 2 me good job an elevate more ull get better

uhm could be an interesting piece if it was given more depth and scenery.. perhaps a few graphic images here & there... maybe try rewriting it with the advice given already and keep the flow tite..

the first line would be a good flowing line to work off of...

pz

decent!

b0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0oo Nuff said

This was a decent piece, i thought the imagery was its strongest point the opening two bars and the last two bars of the verse were nice.
The vocab was decent but try to elevate on it so you can write stronger imagery. Work on the flow it'll make your pieces stand out and they'll sound smoother when and if you do audios.

Return the feed:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=226496