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"im sprung?" gurl who i look like "t-pain?"
me a "fake gangsta" who i look like "thee game?"
gurl u should refrain your train of thoughts
so i guess i should change my numbers n locks
in other words bitch, its time to kick rocks
i give u props for tryin to scam money to shop
but i learned my lesson, you was a hurtful blessin
had me stressin even though i had you undressin
you dont know the pain i endured buyin you dior
you basically paid for sex dont you feel like a whore?
or a slut? i should of known when you wanted it in the butt
damn the lengths us guys will go just to bust a nutt
we had a good thing going til u started blowin things out of proportion
tried to lie n get me for extorsion, *u had my baby* then u had an abortion
i tried n tried to let it slide but its eatin at my pride, u took my childs life
that part of my life i try not to shine bright, cuz i might cry into the night ....
all i get from you is procrastination ur lil attitude causes me aggravation
im gettin impatient with ur lil stages,cut u from my life,complete amputation!
you see things changed from the first verse things gettin alot wrose
imma take back that louie vutton purse, now imma let my anger disperse
i should of known that u were a murderer from when u swallowed my kids
24/7 u was all up in my bis, always askin for money cuz u wanted to thizz
fuck this i couldnt see that i was in a fucked up situation,stalled by hesitation
caused by depravation, since i met you i've been happy on occasion
now im stuck in a position of you constantly bitchin
gots me awkwardly trippin cuz im gettin flashy visions
gots me jumpin into incisive decisions im fickin to start slicin this piegon
to leave blood splattered all over the kitchen, ur body filled with incisons
why am i thinkin of these off the wall crazy homicidal thoughts?
maybe its cuz i had a crazy childhood and a suicidal pops
im feeling so tense, i need to relax, because my mind is so dense
my temper is ragin to pent,oh the suspense,damn hoe we could've been parents!



* meaning she "was" pregnant, some ppl would probably read that in the wrong way so im clearing it up



http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=148657
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=145132

uppin c'mon lets get some feedback i'll return the favor!

ight man this was a deep drop. i really felt your message in here. very strong emotions and you conveyed them well. your story line was great and very powerful. this was easily above average drop. however, some of the rhymes seemed a bit forced and too simplistic in some area's. i know you are capable of dropping better then this. it seems like if you had just taken some more time on some of the lines this would have been an overall amazing drop. you have the talent and the message to make something special. i think it is just a matter of taking the time to really get your stuff exactly how you want and work on the wording a bit more. great moving story though. stay up and thanks for the feed on mine.

thanks appreicate it.... come on ppl dont sleep on me... i've replied to a couple om's already and plan to reply to more but i need feedback too... if i havent hit urs yet leave a link n i'll return the favor...

uppin ....damn im gettin slept on ... c'mon ppl lemme get some positive or negitive feedback......

This was a deep piece but you mixed in a couple of lines that made me laugh, the line about the lenghts you'll go to bust a nut made me laugh.
I dont think you shoulda put that line in the piece cause the rest of the piece was deep and emotional and that line spoils the piece a bit.
But forget that this was a good story rap, the vocab was good it helped you write some good imagery the flow wasnt too strong but i still liked reading this piece. keep writing keep dropping.

Return the feed:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=231948

^^yeah i guess i should of left the jokes out...jus when im writing a piece like this i like to make myself laugh to get rid of depression... but yeah thanks for the feed i was gonna leave feed on ur piece but credz closed it... but yeah can i please get a lil more feed i left feed on like 7 oms n i only got one replied ??

INTERESTIN SHIT KEEP ELEVATIN ,...........story was there an ya kept it going instead of jumpin around fix up ya wordplay an shit ill work out ok,.peace

i see you had sum good vocab in here, long but pretyy much worth the read, i liked it, the topic was pretty interesting, it kept me interested through out most of the peice, rhymes were good, flow and structure was smoth and aiight for flow, work on the flow thats pretty much it, elevate that and you'll be really good, keep it up

fa sho.. imma keep that in mind i guess i really need to work on that, it must be pretty bad if everyone who gave me feed pointed that out.. but thanks for the feed... c'mon RB lemme get some more point of views on my shiitt...,

deep drop, ok vocab, could of used a diffrent concept and coem more original.but I feel you got the job done with this drop.


Maybe your structure coudl do with a switch up, but overall this is ok.

yeah fa sho, come on lets get some more in .......last up