The boy with no eyes

Ayt true story, about lil boy who blind but see's the things we cant it kinda mad...

A young boy sits, his mind drifts while he feels what nobody else has felt
-only thing visible is some wat dispicible but unmissable,wit every step
evry breath is a message what is left,as he writes he also states he regrets
-is it his fault?,to impress those who can see a picture,but not the rest
his mind an encylopedia of knowledge,no vision just wisdom
-stronger than any law book or diary an far trusted dan any religion
every step he takes is made visible,thoughts of mind become invicible
-every move he makes is carefully watched,but he is already the principal
one wish is what he wanted,not to see but to be free
-break away from this carnage,like a new born baby tryin to breathe
the sudden pressure,to an certain measure is pleasure
-but remember the beginner now also he remains the top contender
all for a boy who was in the corner,like a baby with no bruda or sister
-father and mother distant from the childhood times he remembers
voices the only thing that made him thought his strife was worth breaking
-the pain and suffering he went through,his life wasn't worth taking

rest in piece donavan trae a.k.a mc prue.

www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=233406
www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=233703

this is a result of a writer that really put an effort in spending some time with his mind, soul and his thoughts before he writes....coz this is some touching stuff,i mean the pain was excellently put onto the paper...
you wrote what u feel and it came out with mo soul to it
and that is what made it so good...
while i was reading it i could actually feel my body and soul spiritualy binding to this piece...but these lines "his mind an encylopedia of knowledge,no vision just wisdom"
"voices the only thing that made him thought his strife was worth breaking"
-"the pain and suffering he went through,his life wasn't worth taking"
left my soul knocking on the heaven's door...you are really devoted...may the soul of your friend rest in peace...looking forward to another piece from you...peace!!!

from the sound of somma tha mispelt words you seemed like a cat that has done some elevation so I can kinda see through somma tha confusion in ya piece...i still felt that this had some depth and meaning...seeing through the blind, so it was pretty thought out....somma the piece lost floetry but the concept held it together....you lost me at places because what you were saying didnt come thru too clear so i was reading 'bind;...overall I thought this was pretty coo

Igido

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ether Spitter

from the sound of somma tha mispelt words you seemed like a cat that has done some elevation so I can kinda see through somma tha confusion in ya piece...i still felt that this had some depth and meaning...seeing through the blind, so it was pretty thought out....somma the piece lost floetry but the concept held it together....you lost me at places because what you were saying didnt come thru too clear so i was reading 'bind;...overall I thought this was pretty coo

Igido

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word..what he said..

A decent piece trema, I liked the subject although i feel it could've been expanded on. You chose strong words to rhyme with and came with decent vocab on the whole. Your use of imagery could've been more detailed. Try implementing more multi's, i know you can do it man!

Keep posting, keep elavating.

aww..... this was very nice...
every bit of it i could imagine and you had good vocab use as well.. the structure and flo was nice.... yo title was hot, very attractin title, cathes readers attentions to read your piece.... all in all everything was good
10/10

Thanks homs all of you for the feed, your feed helps me write better pieces. Uppin

this was deep...im not very good with feeback but all i can say is that i liked it. good flow 2 me... i just liked it. damn..kinda dunno wot 2 say

bump...

had an aiight flow and the imagery was nice.... the structure was good but like some, u lost me in a few places... i loved a few lines in here, original and the multis were used in the right amounts, no overdoing it...but i would have liked to read more from you, nice drop *thumbs up*

uppin this piece,

poetic story telling, nice immagery here though my thoughts, you could expand this more.. it could use a longer twist to it.. noone the less this was nice to read, with a simple flow good work, keep it up