it wouldnt fade - Twixn Ft. Eddy

it wouldnt fade..

Twixn

She never enjoyed taking it my anomalistic way
scars melting into every word i would say
cold ice the two dice fell and decided fate
the debate ended in a hush, faces portrayed hate
adjacent to the bed lie a third party an unamed girl
fool hearty she never knew her mind in a swirl
the two pearls clashed with catching eyes
i saw it as my wife discoverd my scars demise
the room tempatures began to rise, i sat down
the crown of glory within my reach, without a wedding gown
ill wait for the day when this will all be coverd
along with scars of hatred that where discoverd
this discolored world needs a sunrise
but my lies and wife with holding a knife
dosent help to end the strife
i may not feel in enternelly
but some scars are for eternity



Eddy

every single day ..
I tryed & tryed .. but acces to his love & heart was denied
.. resulting in myself being wounded ..deep down inside
together failed to combine, and the cicatrice did not show its sign
love was declined failing to align & i could never define ..
getting marked by unjust severity behavior feeling this dismay
its just apprehension came every day,trying to playing games i couldnt play..
my face was showing disapproval.. in a disparaging way.
and all those incidents..turned into accidents from from past till present..
time will tell, that my time with him wasnt that pleasant
.. and it just wouldnt fade.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Edicius

wouldnt fade..

Twixn

She never enjoyed taking it my anomalistic way
scars melting into every word i would saycold ice the two dice fell and decided fate
the debate ended in a hush, faces portrayed hate
^^^Them lines were good,lol

adjacent to the bed lie a third party an unamed girl
fool hearty she never knew her mind in a swirl
the two pearls clashed with catching eyes
i saw it as my wife discoverd my scars demise
the room tempatures began to rise, i sat down
the crown of glory within my reach, without a wedding gown
^^^Good vocab,actually pretty dope

ill wait for the day when this will all be coverd
along with scars of hatred that where discoverd
this discolored world needs a sunrise
but my lies and wife with holding a knife
dosent help to end the strife
i may not feel in enternelly
but some scars are for eternity

Good drop



Eddy

every single day ..
I tryed & tryed .. but acces to his love & heart was denied
.. resulting in myself being wounded ..deep down inside
^^^I liked this,rhymes were tight

together failed to combine, and the cicatrice did not show its sign
love was declined failing to align & i could never define ..
getting marked by unjust severity behavior feeling this dismay
its just apprehension came every day,trying to playing games i couldnt play..
my face was showing disapproval.. in a disparaging way.
^^^Nice rhymes again, Edicius at ya best,loving the vocab

and all those incidents..turned into accidents from from past till present..
time will tell, that my time with him wasnt that pleasant
.. and it just wouldnt fade.

---

Overall this piece was nice Edicius you came with some strong vocab and your rhymes were good.Twixn you came with some nice rhymes and your wordplay was nice. This piece once again should of been longer Edicius i keep telling you dont drop dope shit in here if its going to be short lol. nice work,.

The concept of the piece was nice and dark i like these types of pieces.
Twix started the verse off nice just drags you into the story, your imagery was ok but the emotion in the verse stood out to me. You didnt overuse your vocab which i like i hate seeing a bunch of big words being used just for the sake of it its annoying. The only thing i didnt like was the flow there was no multies or internals in the piece which kind of spoilt it for me.
Eddy your verse was slightly better because i felt you mixed your vocab and imagery better. The emotion was there matched Twix in that aspect but again there was no multies in the piece, i use a lot of multies in my verses so when i dont see them in other verses it stands out to me.
The verses were both good but would of been better if they had a nicer flow.

Return the feed please:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=234259

this is cool. concept was nice and you both seemed to hold your own throughout the piece. topical writers (the good ones) seem to be getting real lazy nowadays. This was short, but it was better than half the shit i'm read in this section the last couple of days. short and sweet. solid drop.

thnx, & up

Word this was another nice collabo right here i was really feeling it..both seemed to carry there own on this peice...to me it was alitlte short..but it was good wordplay was nice ..both had nice imagery..and good emotions..overall keep it up,

this is a good drop. u guys blended your styles together nicely. twixn on the vocab and eddy on the wordplay. good topic.

stay up

peace