***U held me Dwon***

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=236052
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=236058
thinkin bout turnin this into an audio...its something diffrent then what i usually post....


when times were stressed and i was lackin success...
backed in depressed i had u for support while ur arms where wrappin my chest...
ur askin whats left~ma ur beautys always snatchin my breath..
fight-yea we mite,and after we'd have emaculante sex...
from being in sets~to gaining no check u never left me...
regret me?forget fees i've paid my dues to society lovin the way u learned to respect me....
steppin correctly~preppy?lookin sexy with a hood mind capabilty..
jail house facilities~standing alone thoughts threw my dome u still came and visit me...
this is more then just physically~u somthing no words can describe its no lie..
with closed eyes and all hope dies i had u there for me ma standing on both sides...
i've shown cries~does that make me less of a man that'll stand with u in his plans..
holdin ur hands~couldnt find another like u even if i was scoopin the land..
forget holdin the grams~my minds changed ma and i owe it 2 u ..
said i never showed emotions~ur my visions precisioin and im focusing threw..



edited:for structure purpose so u guys can get the flow better

structure was bleh....try making it a smaller font..and if that doesn't work than shorten your verses...other than that nice piece....you stayed on topic...and it came nice...only thing about it was it's harder to read cause of fucked structure...but man I like your topicals and you are good at it...flows easy with you..keep the good shit flowin' and maybe we can do a collab or something later? Aiight? Peace homes....

that was nice ups on that

yea this is a lil diffrent then what i usually do ...

and damn my structure is fucked.....gotta def work on that...


uppin

this piece was hot i liked the rhymrs used in it

liked the flow of it, came easy for me...vocab was good, imagery was there, knew you were talkin bout ya wifey the whole time, its good, kinda short but you was gettin ya message across

Hot ish brother.. structure wasnt your best , can be easily fixed. deep as fuck on this one man! I enjoyed it the whole way through...

rock on Fam

uppin on some feed on something i've never done before

rise...............

I like that, deff. was feeling the flow, and it was a good read the whol way threw. but i'd kind of like to see a subject like "wifey" .. you know seeing as how you can obviously tell she means alot to you, made alil longer, feel me ? But yea i'd deff love to hear that on audio, keep doin ya thing, holla at tha kid. '1

....werd good lookin...


rise

........b u m p ...........

Forget the wack feed you had on this piece this was dope most of the pricks who leave feed on oms are little fucking kids so you might as well ignore half the feed you get. First off the concept wasnt original it was a love/relationship type piece which normally i cant stand some of them are just too fucking corny but i was impressed by this piece. The thing that stood out the most to me was the flow you had a lot of multies and internals running through the piece which i always like. I always mix in a lot of multies and internals into my pieces it makes the verses more complex and they'll sound smoother if you choose to do an audio with your verses.
Your vocab was used well you didnt overuse it and put a bunch of big words in your verse just for the sake of it. Dont worry about the structure when you do audios structure dont rerally matter but try and not stretch your bars too much then they should be fine. This was a good piece but next time you write a verse try and think of an original concept.

Return the feed on my last OM:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=236625

appreciate the feed fam werd....

and im a man of word so im on ur OM ..

peace

yea that was hot n thanks on givin me advice on my struture i need all the advice i could get