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Give Me A Break
I never asked for nothing, just took what was granted
Cuz my looks met the standards, but walkin` with books in my hands
And, tryna talk to a girl...just wasn`t me
You know, the shy kid in the back of the class, under-cover geek
With crooked teeth, and smile that would light up the day
But, rarely did anyone`s smile come my way
Or the high way, so I got used to digestin` the frowns
Tryna talk to people who just walked by with their head in the clouds
They called it, stuck up, I called it, if only I was part of the in-crowd
I`d be able to ask that popular girl to sit down
With me at lunch and possibly conversate for a while
About the finer things in life, get a date and a smile
Yes! But no, all I get is that stare
The one that means who are you, if only she cared
She wouldn`t have to give me anything, just the time of day
To get to know me, and let my charm blow her mind away
She don`t have to give me her number, as long as she talks to me
She don`t have to give me her hand, when we walk to street
She don`t have to give me a hug, or a kiss
She don`t even have to give me a chance...but shit
That doesn`t mean I wouldn`t like it
Cuz I would, but I don`t wanna take a shot, I fear that I might miss
Still, I left my books on my desk, started walkin`
Toward her, put my low self esteem in my back pocket
Tapped her on the back, she gave me that look, I said hi
Asked her what her name was, and if she had the time
She told me, I stood there frozen, just starin`
Thought in the back of my mind, maybe she wouldn`t mind sharin`
Shot the 3 pointer, cleared my throat, could you give me a break?
Score!, she broke me off a piece of her Kit Kat, thanks
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DAMN I SEE YOU ELIVATED ALOT IN THE MINUTE I WAS GHOST AND I STILL SEE THE PASSION IN WORDS STAY UP TWIN OH THIS IS WORD~PERFECT PEEP THIS OUT IF YOU HAVE TIME
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=235861
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nice man this was brill ur flows unique
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Nah been droppin dope topicals since the beggining of time.
Nice drop, lol
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uhm not bad, decent in sum ways...rhymes got a bit basic.. had sum nice rhymes as well and a couple decent multis...flow was a bit up and down or maybe more suited to poetry as such in places...sum decent imagery...end was a bit meh....sum parts could of been worded a lil better...not amazing as a text joint but pretty nice as a song
1
check out my om
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=234988
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forget vortex ill make him kiss my rolex.
you don't know line from line so im going to close ya blood line.
please man your flows are wack.
ill pay somebody to break ya back.
open up sheel dude man go to hell.
all that flowing is not working.
FORGET VORTEX
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Tryna talk to people who just walked by with their head in the clouds
They called it, stuck up, I called it, if only I was part of the in-crowd
^^I liked this.
Because although it was a bit of a comedic/relief finish to the story,
this part was echo-ing a lot of what young teens think.
The story overall was cool, lacked depth but you didn't really
intend to describe backgrounds fully etc. You gave a good image of
the kid being the typical geek, making ground with a girl who he thinks
is "out of his league". Very subtle piece but had a nice shine to it.
I hate to say it but a few more "internals" woulda made this piece
a lot better. Just added to it.. but for the key you did it was still cool.
Make sure you hit the link-
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...77#post3218677
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word i agree with kareless
this made me laugh especially the ending...nigga said 'thanks'..hhahah..it was like comedy/serious/depressing about a kid who wanted to fit in and be considered someone for a day, so all in all it did hold some depth to it, but you didn't go as deep as it could've been..but i dont think you cared enough or tried to..this was better than 75% of the shit in here anyway..flow was cool though playa..i liked it..keep dropin that hot fiyah you
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Word. I wasn`t tryna get too deep with it cuz I knew I was gonna end it like that from the start lol. So I just did what I thought was gonna be necessary to make the reader think it was on a serious tip. Know what I mean? Thanks for the replies.
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Yo that shit had me hooked, you know how to keep a reader interested and u got me at the end wit the kit kat...nice ass touch, some parts didn't rhyme but the flow was sick, structure wasn't exactly perfect but it was arite, the way u had this tho was unique i liked this piece 9/10
Keep droppin man i look foward to it
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If u have time...hit this up i just need ratings its madd short
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=237493
