Last Moment

A mother's deep sorrow fetal position tears hittin knee's,
she won't sleep tomorrow fatal decision made by her seed,

threw deep hatred in loud tones over the phone bout his chrome,
so the next day when he dipped out he left it at home,

she saw it on his bed note attached "Mom go ahead,
throw it out I don't need it streets gone to my head,"

she smiled and tears filled her eyes she was drilled with surprise,
she didn't realize her son was unprotected from them guys,

a party poppin off across town a new area he's lost now,
bumpin and grindin with this chick in the back gettin bossed now,

but see her man is the boss now he shows up punches tossed round,
pistols pulled but he left his tool and his life is what it cost now,

in the last moment he's screamin mom then tears streamin and he's calm,
faded to nothin cause he believed in somethin that was wrong.
-Play-Boy

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=236386
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=236119

dang this was a great piece i wouldn't really look at it as a OM but a little bit more of poetic scrpiture....but wutever the case it was real....and u should stay up on the skill ight...live strong

thanks for feedback dog...........Uppin'

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dang this was a great piece i wouldn't really look at it as a OM but a little bit more of poetic scrpiture

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- No hate...but i figured this was the right spot for this drop, u had a great imagery and for this short piece, you stunned me... this was simple in the way of its rhymes, but the words u used to create this story was on point! this was a dope drop i figured, and the structure was gr8 too..it lead up to the story and the ending got me thinkin, DAYM MOM!! lol....but hey, i was feelin this piece from start to end, great drop man.....if u culd return feed on "the time is now" it wuld be greatly appreciated... thanx man

It was a decent drop... good rhyme scheme... vocab was ok... kinda played topic... title fitted the topic, one thing i really didnt like was the double spaced structure.. ur gonna wanna change that... good concept 2 it and it flowed nicely, and i like your style of rhyming, rhyming a couple o times in 1 line... ive been tellin people 2 do that and finally i c sum1 is... u shoulda went a lil more in depth with it... it was suppost to be an emotional piece but it was lacking alot of emotion, dont be afraid to make it longer and really explain things... it needs more detail...

keep it up good work... and return the favor and check my OM in my sig...

nice job "playboy" i liked it.. keep the shit up

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Originally Posted by Word.Play

It was a decent drop... good rhyme scheme... vocab was ok... kinda played topic... title fitted the topic, one thing i really didnt like was the double spaced structure.. ur gonna wanna change that... good concept 2 it and it flowed nicely, and i like your style of rhyming, rhyming a couple o times in 1 line... ive been tellin people 2 do that and finally i c sum1 is... u shoulda went a lil more in depth with it... it was suppost to be an emotional piece but it was lacking alot of emotion, dont be afraid to make it longer and really explain things... it needs more detail...

keep it up good work... and return the favor and check my OM in my sig...

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exactly what i was gonna say

well not exactly but sorta along the lines of that.............................

Good lookin on the feedback ya'll. I'll return the favor a.s.a.p.
-Play-Boy

damn this one is cold. keep this shit up its tight,