title:common topic

look dis jus somthin i wrote in class today but look out for my real shit, commin to u niggas soon!!

another rhyme scheme= /
pause= ,

they say niggas is born chriminals, rollin in a straight line goin down da lane headed for da pins, i guess Bush is bowlin for columbine, we were draged to a place where we were unwanted, to a place where da people pale we thought it was haunted,/
listen, LIsten cant even step into an area widout haven all eyes on me, walk into my house widout usin da key, white folks callin da cops thinkin i got 3x3,/
but where im at i block dat shiieet out,yeah a nigga could pout, but one day imma get out, to place where there are no worries, no doubts./
dont tell me to elevate i allready no what florr to get off, come wit me, ino which floor to get off,/
i always bring faith into my ryhmes cus da pearly gates is waitin/, i aint decietfull "GOD GAVE ME STYLE", but u cant find me "IN DA CLUB" drinkin henassi/ i aint "OUT OF CONTROL" but "MANY MEN", wish deat upon me,
if u know about rap and 50. then youl understand the previous that were typed by me/
cops lookin at him suspicious like is he packin. im like no, he jus black an./
livin in a niegbourhood. no diss nigga aint come out da hood. he jus pulls back his hood, workin doin all dat he could. will he escape, yeah he knows he should./
some niggas be commin back from da "CRYPT" lookin for "BLOOD". lookin for his backstabin bud. empty a clip and leave him dead in da mud./
But lately wiggas ben tryna act hard/ slingin dat weight, u kno me i stay on my gaurd. test me imma use my trump card./
but i aint abou violence. im yellin to des kids stop da violence. while protectin dees gurls from da tyrants./
pimps be yellin at da gurl like tony yayo or talkin smooth like loyd banks.
da gurl fuck for man but to avail she gets no thanks/

look man u guys gotta tell me what im doin wrong, my strucure is terible, give me an example of a good structure aiight.

uppin
please leave somethin

YOU GO HARD MAN WORD!

i like your style in the rap
kind of reminds me of nas joints back in the day
keep it up

uppin

need to fix up the structure man coz its hard to follow
so post yo shit in str8 bars then it b cool
seems like you got a good way of playing with the words
even up the flow keep it smooth n shit b proper

seen

1

You need 2 links to 2 Open Mic pieces you've left decent feedback on or this will be closed. Thanks.