Only A Word

I layed there, holdin` her under the night sky
Whispered, I love you in her ear, she looked up and smiled
As a tear fell down her cheek, I felt her arms tighten
My heart fell down, weak, thinkin` things are so right, and
Wrong at the same time, can`t get caught in the same lie
Cuz if things don`t work out, I can`t bark up the same vine
Tree, plant, flowers. Yea, she loved it when I bought `em
Wasn`t the top of the world, but shit, we loved it at the bottom
With a bottle, of hope, wishin` it would stay like this
Amazed by this, feelin` of happiness, this day, I live
Not that I was dead yesterday, it`s hard to explain
Her name? Katrina, yet we never been caught in the rain
Only tears of happiness, joy and all the above
It`s got me in cuffs, tryna call it, but to me it`s love
She smiled, as I silently watched her fall into a light snore
Love`s only a word, she whispered.
But with you I wanna make it much more

vocab was off the hook, and the flow was really straight.

Kind of felt a little short to be honest, but at the same time, you got your shit across. Good structure and progression. Like I said, the only thing I was really would have liked to see is more of the same.

good shit.

one.

vvvvv ps if you could drop a vote on this battle that needs closure, that would be straight vvvvv

yeah i was feelin it homey the only problem is that it was too short but keep it up aight man im looking forward to nore of ur drops

vocab was nice, flow was nice too
it was short, but thats ok
good structure and rhyme scheme too

peep my drop "passion & fire"

It`s short cuz I do 16? That`s the reg. length of a verse. Thanks for the feedback tho.

this was fresh fam.. very descriptive and full of imagery..you did a really dope job on shedding light on what love really feels like.

really feeling it nah, good work

This is a good poem i cant see it working as a rap but i dont think you wrote as a rap. The emotion stood out the most to me, im normally not a fan of the love/relationship type pieces but this was good it wasnt as corny as it could of been. A lot of these types of pieces are corny but you had a better perspective on the issue so i'll give you props for making me like a verse that i normally wouldnt like. Not a lot of Om's can do that.
Your vocab fit perfect to the piece, like i said emotion was nice and the imagery was descriptive enough to make the verse interesting.
The flow was basic apart from this bar:
'With a bottle of hope wishin it would STAY LIKE THIS'
'Amazed by this feeling of happiness this DAY I LIVE'

That couplet flowed well the rest of the bars lacked multies but like i said before i took this as a poem not a rap so i enjoyed reading it.
Return the feed on my Om:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=240126

You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics you've left decent feedback on or this will be closed. Read the thread at the top of Open Mic if you don't know how.

i liked this..why don't you ever make things long? if you were to make things long..they'll be alot doper than now..this was short and sweet..can't say too much about it though = /..good imagery though family

hello 2 links you left feedback on

I liked this.
It was simple, but it was dope in its own way.
Imagery was on point.
vocab was on point.
And idk what warchild speaking of but i could see this being an ill ass audio.
Nique's right though, if u went longer it would be so much doper.
No faults though

pZ

Word. Most of the 16`s I write I just do outta boredom. So that`s all I post lol. I`m workin` on a whole 3 verse topic tho. Should be done by next week.