Heart's War

Originally written for the Spilled Inc Collab.. I edited it and added the start and finish.

Heart's War
Through the scope, i see caring and heart-throb in distance..
Through the scope, i see hopeful dreams - optimistic in consistence..
Through the scope, i see blazing fields with family 'twined together..
Through my scope, i see destruction, and love torn at tether..

Dont remember what im doing here..... or why i journey'd at all..
Mind fixed on temperance and plight, of when my physical came to call.
Synical minds have fallen, just as my mental strength shed its skin..
Now im rooted in mud, stood, in this trench.. not hurt - just bleeding within,

Holding my rifle, i take aim with gods forgiveness, to ensure the safety of fellow men..
Scolding in trifle, a mixture of thoughts sweep me - my arm shivers in hesitation once again..

All is silent, the men i care for - are caring for their wounds..
Desperately deprived of oxygen, in place are artificial foods..
In debt with happiness, simply because we credit in on rationed sunlight..
The rain smearing my tears of blood, understood by others - my appearance is unsightly.

We were separately.............. divided, defencelessly, into divisions..
Were all on the same lines, knowing we'll die from weapon, or no provisions..
My only friend - my pen.... and my only family - them..
Knowing forewell that the small chance of survival will haunt me, again and again..

These strangers that are silhouettes....... strung out sideways, from my sight,
I can hear only their whimpering hearts beating in the silence tonight..
Every night has a change, the dim heartbeats lessen over time..
The gunshots dimmer in hearing, as this grim meadow of death scars the mind..

I imagine what its like to die, wonder whether to arise..
I know im too strong to die afront my friends.. Sparkles like gunshots gloss my eyes..
Stiff under star riddled skies and still soldiers listen to lies, politics i will never understand -
So imagine my demise, when this mans life lies within the creation in my hand..

Through the scope, i see suffering banished from him so far...
Through the scope, i see glittered things - decorate this mans heart..
Through the scope, his child-to-be waits for father-to-be returned..
Through my scope.... I Take away... The life this man deserves

Story is, a sniper in a trench confronting his emotions and conscience at the same time. He has his scope fixed on an enemy, but is battling his newly erected morals as to what he is doing by pulling the trigger.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...15#post3247415
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...68#post3252768

Dayum @ no feed. Uppin.

Uppin Afuggin Gain.

This was a good 1.... nice flow bro, keep it comin`

yo this shit was extra long. but i was honestly feeling this through out the entire time i read, you had excellent vocab use it was very vivid to mind. had nice flow but sometimes your lines appeared stretched a little topic was hot you did good with it brought out emotion and thought from it

return the feed back to my piece, thankz
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=242018

Ive seen a lot of dope oms being slept on lately including this one i was really feeling obviously i noticed the title same as some bruce willis flick i seen i thought it might be based on that but obviously its not. The concept was original which is always a plus point cause originality is rare in om as you probably know. You told the story real well you was telling it from one perspective so the piece was real focused and i was feeling it it drawed me into the piece straight away. Your vocab was very nice but you didnt go over the top with it like a lot of people do, it bothers me when people overuse their vocab it makes their pieces seem cryptic but you got it just right. Your imagery was also impressive matched well with the vocab and the concept the emotion really came through in the piece you detailed the guys feelings, fear, paranoia, anger etc. I really couldnt criticise this piece at all and i rarely say that. Good piece keep dropping dope writers are rare in Om.
Return the feed on my new Om:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=243081

Quote:

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Originally Posted by warchild

Ive seen a lot of dope oms being slept on lately including this one i was really feeling obviously i noticed the title same as some bruce willis flick i seen i thought it might be based on that but obviously its not. The concept was original which is always a plus point cause originality is rare in om as you probably know. You told the story real well you was telling it from one perspective so the piece was real focused and i was feeling it it drawed me into the piece straight away. Your vocab was very nice but you didnt go over the top with it like a lot of people do, it bothers me when people overuse their vocab it makes their pieces seem cryptic but you got it just right. Your imagery was also impressive matched well with the vocab and the concept the emotion really came through in the piece you detailed the guys feelings, fear, paranoia, anger etc. I really couldnt criticise this piece at all and i rarely say that. Good piece keep dropping dope writers are rare in Om.
Return the feed on my new Om:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=243081

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Thought you left :huh: lol, thanks ill drop feed now.

Ok, good idea for the piece and it started off quite well because
you you started subtle and bulit as the story went on. Like I say
in most feedback I leave I prefer an issue to be described rather
than a story but this was pretty cool. You got confused in some parts
though especially when you were braistorming thoughts
from what the sniper was thinking/doing. You came across the piece well
but your lack of words latching onto each other hindered it IMO.
But open mic is OPEN so it was just your style coming across.
Overall you did yourself good, be looking out for more from you!

Feedback would be nice on this.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...65#post3344365

I was really feelin' this. Vocab was really tight, good structure and flow, 'cept a few lines got really stretchy, and I can't really imagine some of them fitting, especially in relation to most of the drop.

Keep up the good work.

also, if you have a chance, and could peep the battle in my sig, that'd be tight.

one.

vocab and rhymes were very good/ great...very impressive..they were compex...i liked how you layed everythig out.......flow and strcuutre was good smooth and even.....topic was interstign and creative..enjoyabke ti read...goodd rop..keep it up...peace

Pretty dope OM, too bad it gets slept on like everything else in the OM forum.

Onto feedback: Your imagery was nice, your choice of words really produced the images vividly throughout the peice, nice work. The entire thing flowed exceptionaly, though it was long as fuck man. :p

I look forward to reading more of your drops, i'll keep an eye out for you. Props.

RTF "The Jigsaw Mirage"

Peace.