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Nas analogy
Rappers I monkey flip em with the funky rhythm I be kickin
Musician, inflictin composition
- Nas
That the sick rhyme that "made you look"
Turn the page you a slave in a rhyme book
Tic toc the clock strikes another day
Sellin rocks aint the way to go get paid
Just cause "Life's a bitch" you can get by
Then you die so that is why you get high
A-Z another story shines spoken from heart
A spoken work of art "smokin" from the start
I be rappin this analogy of Nas into rhythms
Freedom to prison, shits a fucked up system
"One Mic" is all you need to send the message
Spittin feelings was a dude from Queensbridge
"Destroy and rebuilds" a resurrection of affection
Religiously spittin a collection of real questions
I give the poetic flow and that "aint hard to tell"
Many rappers are pathetic know Hip hops gone to hell
Money over art, shit they just a fucked up auction
They filled with exhaustion overwhelmed of caution
They afraid their careers will burn away like "Ether"
Succumb to fear sufferin from the lyrical seizure
Real rappers always "represent" the culture's base
These actors in rap were never there in the first place
"Nothing lasts forever" so exceed beyond measures
Stroll down " memory lane" through lifes pleasures
No pressure or bad times cause "the world is yours"
There is nothin ever the emperor of all assures
"Every ghetto" seems violent so "ya got ya self a gun"
That self destructs leavin many "black zombies" done
"Rewind" back in time where there was segregation
Now its a tolerance but not yet any reparations
Life is vital, vulnerables praise things like the bible
Lookin for true idols, walks across the "streets disciple"
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uppin, damn please some feedback
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this was pretty good and I kind of enjoyed this
flow was real smooth and structure was really even
vocab was good..pretty complex same with rhymes and vocab
overall this was tight with an interesting topic...
peace--
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real sweet piece the flow was the best thing going for it 9/10
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I like the flow of this piece man striaght up dope. the structure was even the entire way through too. alot of people who drop have a mixed up structure or they cant keep it even through the entire piece, but you did. I like the rhymin and the vocab grab you used too. some pretty dope stuff overall, very little you have to work on in my eyes. keep droppin an elevaten. drop a look in my open mic Innevitability in my sig.
Peace
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uppin, thanks for the feedback guys
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Nice man i was really Feelin this.....Dope Drop u was hittin it on da head man...u aint got nothing that really needs work...that i can tell from this peice but ill read up more of ya ish good post
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damn this shit right here was straight dope.When I read it I felt that you had alot of energy going with this piece when you wrote it.And also I like how your piece was real creative with using like phrases and song names in your lines.You had a excellent structure,and also your wordplay was good to.Keep this up homie this is some dope shit.Hope to see more from you soon. :2thumb:
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Its like this man ..
.. I enjoyed the read, I'll start off by saying that. I wont say this was whack, because it was not, but, I will say I see much potential in you, being that this had the concept, and figure to be dope, had you added some tweaks. First off, the flow, was choppy here and there, it was just off, you had some nice multies in there once and a while, but you need to work on that. This was structerd very nicely, so thats a big plus, for me atleast, because the way I look at it, is that the reader can follow along easier. The imagiry wasnt bad, the topic was confusing until I got your point, it was a good read, I enjoyed it very much so. Dont take my critisism in anyway badly, Im not trying to talk crap, or say it sucked, Im simply trying to help you, being that I see you have great potential to be a dope writer. Just keep at it, and you'll be fine. Good job.
Rtf please.
Peace.
