Locked Up..

Locked Up

See im locked up, im throwin myself at this cell
This aint even worth livin, I’d rather be in hell
I aint kill no one, but I came damn near
Beat him so bad, I think the ground had a tear
Im locked up, n I cant get out
Im locked up, iunno what its about
Harassment? battery? Bodily harm?
They striped me naked, took my lucky charm
People think my cell is bleedin, ive lost so much
“don’t forget me homie, I’ll keep in touch”
last words I ever heard from my childhood friend
last thing I remember, momma telling me he dead
was that what set me off? That why I went crazy?
Cuz I stuck up for him, and that’s how momma raised me
I aint deserve shit, I deserve to see that boi again
Whoever shot him, getting 2 holes in the back of they head
Man im locked up, and the walls changed to red
Lost so much blood, inmates cant believe im not dead
They all wanna piece of me, all wanna finish what I began
Stabbed thru the chest, planted the weapon in my hand
Im locked up man, and I still aint stopping
I aint locked in a cell….im locked in a coffin…
Damn….



http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...74#post3618074
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...=1#post3618091

not bad at all man, i liked the flow

tks homie, uppin ya'll need some feed..haha
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...63#post3618263

that was pretty good, flow was a lil choppy n off at the start but picked up and improved later in the middle to the end. The twist was pretty good, but i reckn ya just need to up ya vocab and wordplay, maybe find some stronger words and use more metaphors to make this piece more powerful
Well done on the wriring.
Can you please leave feedback on my piece in Om... thnx man
Peace
~1~

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Legacy01

that was pretty good, flow was a lil choppy n off at the start but picked up and improved later in the middle to the end. The twist was pretty good, but i reckn ya just need to up ya vocab and wordplay, maybe find some stronger words and use more metaphors to make this piece more powerful
Well done on the wriring.
Can you please leave feedback on my piece in Om... thnx man
Peace
~1~

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^^word

Pretty played out to me. The Topic was played out and your creativity to the Topic is played out also. Nice flow, next time pu tmulti's and your imaginary isn't set and your emotion was off-set. You need to write more and understand what you writing and approach your Topic with a creative side which you didn't do so here. Your Lines are annoying, kept saying "Locked up" yeah I know that's the Topic but don't keep saying it over and over again in your verse. But overall Keep writing.

thx for honest feed