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A Tug Of Life
A Tug Of Life
my heart pounded insanely as the doctor approached me
"i have some bad news, sir ..but nothing i can guarentee"
"we ran tests and x-rays, and we believe we found the problem"
"but a complicated surgery is needed for us to find all them"
"were sad to say the cancer spread, throughout her entire head"
"and if u would like to see her now, she's lying on the bed..."
life is tough, a constant battle, as well as a mystery
but a gentle tug of life ....could end one's misery..
i slowly opened the door to the room in which she lies
and walked closer and closer, tears streaming down my eyes
sat down on the chair next to her and grabbed her hand in mine
nothing to see but her beauty, nothing to hear but a lifeline
was this the Devil's cruel design? a life in which cant be fixed..
she never has done anything worng, has God got people mixed?
i should be in her place, for i have had my good share of sins
cheating and beating her, lying straight to her face with a grin
it isnt right for this to happen after all the pain i caused
went down to slowly kiss her, but halfway through, i paused
i thought back, and remembered the first thing I told her
said we would be together forever, even when we were older
and then i remembered the last thing i said, oh how it has changed
told her i was glad she was dying..now realizing thats sick and deranged
never knew why i said these things, cuz they have never been true
i loved her so much, but doubt i have ever even told her "i love you"
but now i was a changed man, i realized how precious life was
she never knew how much i loved her, but hopefully now she does...
life is tough, a constant battle, as well as a mystery
but a gentle tug of life ....could end one's misery..
i felt as if i cleared things up, and it was now safe to kiss
but as i kissed her, it felt as if she didnt even exist
realized she really didnt, and she would never be the same
she was already dead, and looked to myself for the blame
as i lifted my lips of hers, i saw the plug connected to the wall
then looked back at her face, the most beutiful thing i ever saw
i stood up, contemplating whether or not i should pull it
already dead as can be, but was it quite enough for her to quit?
i prayed silently, asking God for the correct answer
but it wasnt his job...the Devil is the founder of cancer
suddenly her eyes opened slowly, and her lips moved a bit
and her last words surprised me, as they were "pull it"
her eyes closed again, as the tears streamed down my face
i grabbed the plug slowly, and grabbed her in an embrace
told her "i love you" as i gave it the first little tug
then kissed her lips tenderly, as i slowly pulled the plug...
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life is tough, a constant battle, as well as a mystery
but a gentle tug of life ....could end one's misery..
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well this was long but dope------keep it up nice drop
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it is dope, everything is awesome good topical right here stay up
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thanks for the feed.
Rise.
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Well I didn't know what to expect, but this was definately promising. It progressively improved showing the early stages of great skill. I was impressed... I think you have potential. The rhyming was quite simple, I mean you didn't use multi's and it was simply a matter of words of the end of the line, simple words, rhyming. But having said that, it came off well, the first stanza had me feeling a bit iffy, but the ending was impressive. One piece of advice I'll offer is don't be too obvious with what you're trying to say all the time.. Be suggestive, complex, metaphorical... So that the reader can infer what you're implying. It allows the reader to get much more involved.
Anyway nice work man.. Keep it up.. Keep writing. Let me know when you next write..
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Thanks for the feed. Thats the feed im looking for. I will work on my stuff, keep writing, and keep elevating. Next time i'll add multis as well. Btw, this was just my 2nd topical ever.
Thanks again for the feed, its highly appreciated.
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This was pretty dope, A lot of imagery was added to this which made it that much better, the flow was off at sometimes but wasn;t much of a problem, its cool how you subtly explained why "Tug of Life" was the title, nice read this is maybe Hof worthy depending on the other stuff. Hit up "Just like he said" or "Why" in my sig, peace.
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Thanks for the feed, i'll hit up ur shit later.
Rise.
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It Was Iight, Imagineary Was Dope
Needs More Metas
Vocab Was Meh
Concept Was Iight
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Aight thanks for the feed, i'll add more metas on my next one.
Rise.
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Bump, c'mon i need good critique so I can elevate, this is only my 2nd topical..
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rise...
leave good feed and ill RTF, just leave a link.
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