Injustice

Alright guys, i'm new to open mic. This is just the first of the many writtens that I have yet to post. I hope you all like this one. Thanks

We all come to live in a world with many injustices that we see everyday,
Going about our lives knowing whether or not things'll be okay.
Most of us are afraid to speak our minds 'cause of the fear of being persecuted,
Race, sex, religion, like the mass genocide, innocent people gettin' executed.
It's insane how much we don't appreciate the things we should come to love and cherish,
While there are many unfortunate people on the streets with nothing that perish.
Murder, Manslaughter, people killin' people, then pleadin' to insanity,
Gotta get these criminals off the streets 'cause they're a threat to humanity.
Drugs and alcohol, poisonin' the minds of children in our nation,
Statistics show this has become and infestation to the youthful generation.
Teens creepin' and sleepin' together, consequently gettin' pregnant,
Too young to raise a family, resortin' to abortion 'cause the decision they made was ignorant.
War and terrorism, tyrants killin' our loved ones who serve to protect,
Their fates lie upon the land mines that they weren't able to detect.
Thieves and robbers, takin' what we worked hard for,
Is there really justice in this world that we live in anymore?
We need to join hands and fight for our great societies,
So we can go to sleep at night with no stress, no anxieties.

dcent joint yo.. yu deserve sum feed at least.. i can see you 've got some knowledeg to get accross with your message... just the format/structure is a bit off here in this piece..flow needs to be titened up so the rhymes drop on point.. vocab was good enuff...

yeah you touched on a few issues.. and maintained it well/ a lil more imagery wouldnt go amiss... had some good alliterations and you sure showed assonance skills...

so keep up 1

oh yea check my last OM---

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=263288

Aight thanks Vortex. Come on people don't sleep on this shit.

Come on don't sleep on this people! I need some feedback plz =)

Need some feed backk people. Thanks

yo it was pretty dope, i felt alotta passion an emotion comin outta this piece...id say upp a lil on structure an wordplay but otha than that, you got it.....
8/10

stay up homes

uppin'

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