Vacant Skies.

Vacant Skies
Tim-
Vacant skies scream denied at my burning eyes.
Rules abide and I often tried to skip right by.
The time is too late, death is too great to skip and change
Feel my bones break, splintering and re-entering my sensitive stage.
Running through pictures lost, albums of sorrow at my fingers reach.
Changing what listeners thought, ironing the wrinkles creased.
Smiles cease, then hands grab firm and there's no concern.
Of my return, never earned a chance for thoughts to burn.
Never let the flames go, never flipped and lost control.
Now's the time to grow old, before wings decay and mold.
An angel beneath the sky, a devil above the tears cried.
I stand where we've all arrived, living life with our hearts deprived.
No space for us., clouds are full and vacany is nowhere.
Lost our touch, stand in pools atop electric chairs.
Try for death but to many have passed, a flat tire on earth.
Thrown from a building, flew both of my halfs.. then returned a new birth..

Aeschylus-
A plague called life, death haunts me through the day and night
An escape planned for this ride, but the chances are tight
I glance at the sky, the clouds have cleared over head, the time nears
The coughing and choking from the smoke ally ou hear is throats clear
I start the time, on the drop of a dime i could take their lives away
I start to say "fuck all...." but then the priest begins to pray
I yell "I am your god now, your life is in my hands" they are shocked
The crowd flocks around me and the key to heaven, they have to watch
I hear a phone noise, a little boy screams, "mommy i dont like that toy"
Shut the fuck up all of you! i try to regain some of my poise
This worlds fucked up, god sees you, but doesnt help ever
Little kids dress as pirates killing each other with stick swords...
.....just for some treasure
Jesus watches you cry, but never helps your already teared eyes
I've lost fear I.....hope one day to see you in the vacant skies.....


http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=264509
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=264403

Uhh...uppin for feed

TIM
Good imagery and vocab There's was one line that kind of through me off, made me start over and read it again...

Quote:

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Try for death but to many have passed, a flat tire on earth.
Thrown from a building, flew both of my halfs.. then returned a new birth..

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It was the whole tire thing... but most def a good piece from you..

Aeschylus
Excellent imagery and phrasing..

Quote:

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I yell "I am your god now, your life is in my hands" they are shocked
The crowd flocks around me and the key to heaven, they have to watch

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^ That's my favorite line from Vacant skies...

Nice work both of you

This deffinatly makes you think. You guys deffinatly hit the nail on the head with this one. Every time I see a piece from the People, I recognize the power and consistancy in your skills. You guys seem to grow stronger everytime you drop a piece. 'People' are starting to recognize you even more than they already did. Dope piece...I recognized it...


Newest Piece...Critique me,
Keep Quiet
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=264825

Word thnx guys, uppin.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...29#post3808329
rtfffff

tim-great imagery and the vocab really tied in with the piece, it was a good job with doing that, also, the rhyme scheme was great on your part, now lets see what aeschuylus has

aes-
A plague called life, death haunts me through the day and night
An escape planned for this ride, but the chances are tight

damn nice opener, great multies and vocab and structure were very good as well, flow was on point with both of you, amazing piece, stay up and keep writing as i know you will.

good OM imagary was good vocab structure and wordplay was decent........ lines were well done and said overall 8.5/10

Cool piece, not the best I've seen from Tim but this was a great topic for Aes Boy.

Tim - you had some fabulous imagery and a fantastic storyline, and that progressed the piece along and made it flow alot better. Without you, this piece would be meaningless. I think you could've put a lot more thought into ur verse though, you should've stepped ur game up here. Overall you did alright.

Aes - Probably your best well thought out piece so far in OM. Your vocab was amazing and so was your imagery and complexity, but your lines are getting stretched as time goes on. Work on a better structure and a better read for the reader, so he/she gets a better view on what you are saying in a shorter amount of words.

Great job guys, Pz.

Uppin.....