When Master Becomes Pupil - by Brixton.

When Master Becomes Pupil - by Brixton

Sensei,
my mentor, my tutor, the reason I began to obey.
Was once a thief among looters, until my bad side strayed,
now my ego decayed, due to a character of strength,
who gave ME the strength to repent, before I made a final decent,
to a life hell-bent on crime, with that, came a change of time.

A euphoric wine..
trickled through my veins and blood.
Now the pain felt good, with 12 months to train, and learn? I would.
Through patience and love, I became the warrior, Manshe, motivated
& made..
and after 400 days, unknown to me, I became his slave.
More or less paved my grave, in the shade of a Shogun Samarai &
his powerful gaze.
A barbaric maze to solve, there was no way out as my ego boiled,
shrivelled and coiled, angered heart pumped blood coated in oil.
Spoilt.. now with a black heart in decent & no look back,
my thoughts attack, with facts of my prison that caught a stack,
full of melancholy emotions, waiting impatient for me to kill my Master.
Hitting the ground faster than the sword I have,
Manshe becomes a dispensable factor.
Time to gather my clothes,
my sword,
& my thoughts.
I only ever carry meaningless things I have.
Leaving the house of my own accord..



..with a Shogun Assasins head in my bag!

Sleep tight Brother.

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=270269
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=270440
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=268212
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...27#post3926527
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...56#post3927056

yo yo i don't feel the asian flow
bro that aint fit to show
why don't you do us all a favor
take a little time to fix ya ryhme
then come back when you think you got something for us to savor
something with a little flavor
get my drift
next time i'll cut you down fast and swift

Nice drop Brix...

Intresting and fresh choice of topic here.. and i liked where you went with it.. although i felt you rushed through what you wanted to happen in this piece...
Nice internal rhyming deffinitly helped the read flow,helping me keep intrest 'cos its not stop starting as alot of pieces do on this board [hate that] but in my opinion, if you had made this piece alot longer i felt you coulda explored the mindstate of ou charecter alot more etc. but taking nothing away from the piece you have written, was very nicely ended aswell..

Look out for a piece that im about to drop, would apreciate feed from you

not bad...
I didnt like the wording... infact... I dont like the subject being in a rhyme scheme unless its done right. And this had to much of an hip hop for the subject...BUT
yur imagery was okay, nothing stud out to much. You rhyme scheme was at best OKAY. Not a horrible verse. But keep a few things in mind. Structure, rhyme scheme, internals, and imagery. hit me back on my OM..pz

structure was a little jumbled, i started feeling the imagary towards the middle then it kinda went off into neverland....should have gone into more depth with it, wordplay and doubles were ok i guess, the topic could be interesting if you just dwelve into it a little more....^^

This was a really nice piece...you had some good flo...I think the piece flowed together nicely & you had some good imagery keep up the good work.....

nice drp...i liked the way it flos & all but i agree with everybody that it shoulda been longer
it was like when u got in2 starting 2 pix something...here came the end.
the topic was diff from what u normally c here so props on dat
Again, nice drop & return the feed if u getz the chance--Gracias!

"Letter From A Ryder"
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=270190

I enjoyed reading this alot, it was a good imaginative peice very good imagery with-in it... furthermore your structure was excellant as it flowed well.
I wasn't to sure abiut the topic to be honest but i think that you did the topic justice and made it dope... The vocabulary was tight, nothing out of the ordinary but it was definately good as you would have ruined the verse if you had mearly put hundreds of large words in the verse... it would have broke thre flow and probably switched my enjoyment to boredom... so well dont on that note.

I would like to see more of your work...

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=270382

Hmm, intresting topic .... as other i didnt really like the structure even alough i fought the words used where effective.
you did well in packing in alot of multies but not forceing them through ... i think it would have been a more effective piece if you worked with the structure a bit and played around with it if thats the style you want to go for ....

overall nice piece ..

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...65#post3927365

Rofl at "yo yo I dont feel the asian flow" ..

I liked the subject you went for, but what were you thinking when you called the master MANSHE?! Anyone taking lessons from a she-man cant be all that great a protoge to have. Lol. The flow was there in parts, then off in others. I think it was due to your bar length every other follow up. It was just a syllable of two out to rhyme perfectly. I thought this line was pretty cool though -

"Time to gather my clothes,
my sword,
& my thoughts."

You should of lengthened it out, gave us something epic to read. You rounded it up too quickly. But hey - thats just my opinion. Its your piece. Haha ..

Nice read.

This drop was ok i guess, went right w/ the topic but im not feelin the Samuri/ Master sensei shit. Overall everything was nice though, mad knowledge .

Keep that up

Funny shit, I think you managed to incorpotate the samurai references in your text without going too far, rhyming was cool.

Liked these parts best:

trickled through my veins and blood.
Now the pain felt good, with 12 months to train, and learn? I would.
Through patience and love, I became the warrior, Manshe, motivated
& made..


A barbaric maze to solve, there was no way out as my ego boiled,
shrivelled and coiled, angered heart pumped blood coated in oil.
Spoilt.. now with a black heart in decent & no look back,
my thoughts attack, with facts of my prison that caught a stack,




Peace

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