-
...Evening Tea...
As bright light embarks its journey onto my humble abode,
I sit laced in perennial bewilderment...
So subtle a voice is cried from the wilderness there yonder...
The horizon is rendered only by envy and hatred,
and by the blowing of prairies and willow trees...
My peppermint tea brewing so potent because of its
age and wisdom displayed by its fervor...
In my vision, rain stains the heights and cleanses the Earth,
so what is my deliurium that ponders me so...
For my mind spins like the globe on its axle,
captive to the American Dream...
Hope engulfs the sight of the innocent;
giving strength to the blind and impartially sighted...
We are rebels, predestined to be what our predecessors
had become; An eye for an eye, but success
is merely in the Eye of that of whom beholds...
My tea, so rich in satisfaction holds to me what
I hold to it..
The American Dream....
this would probably be better suited for poetry section but oh well...feed plzz
-
-
uppin......somebody feed goddamn
-
Yeah this should be put up in Peotry but that would be takin' a good piece away from OM section, your vocab was good in this and i liked the way you stylised this piece and the style with which you wrote..........
Check this OM, if ya got time, thanks
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=271537
-
-
uppin...feedback would be appreciated and greatly returned...
-
Good vocab and ya it is poetry. But dont se why it cant be used here because i love the My tea getting potent cuz of its age
-
last up ...hopefully i get some better feedback...i will return favor so plz help me get better
-
yeah good imagery and poetry.. to get more feed on a poem need to post in more of a poem forum.. i expect to come in here and see crazy rhyme schemes n wordplays really ..
good writin still.. i guess it does flow as a rap still when looked into.. but yo gotta post them bars for more effect in this joint
pz1
