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Becoming The Devil.
Becoming The Devil.
The Child.
What if a child...Young and abused,at such a tender age
Grew up into a father,who acted into what his father did
And every moment of his life,he'd look at the same page
Noticing that his acts,are what his dad did to him as a kid
...
Every night on the corner,a child young and tender crys
A demon in sight every day...He says to himself why?
Scared for his life,all he did was do everything his father said
Because even when he was right,he knew his life would be dead
His childhood taken,and for every moment alone he'd thank it
With a father as Satan,most of his hope was an old ragged blanket
As years passed,so did his strength,his hope grew stronger
Cause tears also didnt last,so his attitude became meaner
While watching T.v. his father had a stroke on the kitchen tiles
Watching his father struggle,eyes locked,he just grinned and smiled
...
After those years,he promised to himself,not to be his dad
A relief from no more tears,nothing else seemed to make him mad
Growing up even more,he had a new house and a new wife
Life better than before,he had a child to raise with new rights
But one odd day,after his child broke the glass cup,he asked for help
With a strange desireble feeling,he took out his own belt
Screamed to kneel down,his child scared with no tears holding back
He whipped him in the from behind,leaving deeps wounds intact
Blood dripping his wife told him to hault,but hit her without no regret
After stopping...He watched his wife and child leave him,feeling like shit
...
Again years had gone by,he grew up with his guilt becoming clearer
Grew up with only one person,a reflection of his father in the mirror
Baggy shadows under his eyes,sweating and his hair all fucked up
His whole life full of lies,forgetting that the past has a cold touch
Still looking in at the mirror,he grabbed a knife screaming "Fuck this!"
And he tried hard,to have his life better,but he layed with cut wrists
As he dropped on the ground,his past comes back for a quick while
And in the mirror,a reflection of his father,grinning at him with a smile...
End.
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Feelin this
Raw concept and the storyline waz hot ass hell flow waz good and the wordplay and metas were nice u had good imagiation cause I could see this in my head hommie u took the veiw of it as if it waz u hommie
Great work hommie
Waitin to see more from u
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yea im really feein this one right here....nice flow....u got ya word out....nice wordplay.....overall.....very good
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Cool idea.
Felt the imagery a bit, could be stronger, good job with vocab. and it was a decent read, need some help on complexity i think but yeah, it was cool.
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Fuckin open mic is for noobs now,no one ever reads shit.
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I like this nice concepth and good flow and structure keep it up
peace
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excellent topic choice and word usage, the concept was cool and deep and teh structure was on point. original topic wich is a good thing, and the flow was on point throughgout the entire piece, imagery could be stronger but nonetheless,
dopeness
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the overall story was very touching, sad, lil depressing, your imagery was pretty good throughout the piece, felt you rushed it, thought it could have been dwelled on a li bit more, flow was real nice, wordplay was nice, would have liked to see more internals but thats just my style so wordplay was good.....vocab was pretty good, structure was nice...emotion was pretty dope, HoF, it is good.. could b with some add ons to it..
favorite line was ur last bar! just liked it
word
keep on keepin on
stay ups
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After those years,he promised to himself,not to be his dad
A relief from no more tears,nothing else seemed to make him mad
Growing up even more,he had a new house and a new wife
Life better than before,he had a child to raise with new rights
^Best lines.
I think you're getting better at this really, your drops arent as unique as they should be, but as you get more OM's, you will find out that so many people have the same approach to topics like these. After you know that, you will start being original. But anyways, your topic was cool, your emotion was very good, and it was a very deep peice. You're better with emotional pieces IMO, keep getting at it and you'll be in the HoF sooner or later. Gettin' better man, keep it up!
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ay.. im fellin it, ya words r cool...
4 real, ha ha ha ha
