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"Premeditated Thoughts"
my life flashs before my eyes, an finally I can see//
an come to my suprise, that this is the time for me//
to open my eyes, get up and rise to my feet//
start up the grind, an put the product on the street//
got money on my mind, Im so caught up I cant sleep//
but I was out of time, an I got shot up by some feinds//
I was mesmorized, cuz I could see that i was livin my dreams//
when I got hit my mama cried, cuz I need ta be there 4 my seed//
thats when I realized, that my family is all I'll ever need//
so its about that time, I think Im finally bout ta leave//
this earth thats full of life, an then its towards the fire for me//
an jus because I lied, an my whole life was based on greed//
but then I see a change, an this aint how the story goes//
I make it in the game, an dont do nothin fa these hoes//
my life jus aint the same, but still everybody knows//
Im hard on that hustle mayne, But mo about the flow//
fuck the police
who'll be the judge
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2 Feedback Links Needed
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=185583
Read Rules
Those Feeds were shit
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flow.. cool
structure..coll
rhymes..a bit basic
concept..not deep enough and a bit short/undeveloped..
vocab//ok
need a bit more originality... /imagery
decent
pz1
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thnx man but G said my feed was shit so ima describe yos better aight
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no replys damn at rapmusic there were allways people giving feedback but not in here.
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this aint that bad.
vocab - too basic, needs to be improved
flow - it seemed pretty consistent
structure - alright
wordplay - good but you could improve
rhymes - a bit to basic
overall - it was too basic, you could ellaborate alot more and make it longer. it wasnt deep enough, it had a lil emotion but not enough. jus keep workin on it.
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yo dawg this was good rymin i liked how you rymes in ya rymes that made it better an i felt what you was sayin mayne. just keep doin homie you had great flow an some imagery but it was more like a story that made it better to me but this was bangin man keep at it peace out an one love T.K from ya boy Big-J
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It was good but too short...good vocab.....good flow.....
