The Grips of Eternal Slumber (SS wk1)

The Grips of Eternal Slumber


The strokes of a genius preserved five hundred years, now in triplex glass
With graceful glides of a ballet dancer he brushed her in a complex chasse
Respects mass on the leading edge of an artistic pass where color is king
Altruistic blasts of pigments on pointed bristles blow whistles on evil things
Upheaval sings in a violet tone as violence atones for the servants of thrones
Copied & cloned unspoken truths conjured in cold like the servant of bones
Observant of zones within the image in code Da Vinci 's serving unknowns
Unnerving encryption like Egyptian depictions painting a puzzle for show
Peddling cluttered puddles of color on pale backgrounds nuzzled in dough
Guzzle the glow of the nectar that drips from the brushed tips he's gripped
Rushed whips hush lips but this painter speaks loudly in oils he's dripped
The spoils of which will remain eternal in pic's and lucid images flick'd
Translucent as script inscribed on parchment then lit by damages kick'd
thru the uprights of mans scrimmage for wit & battle for kicks with no goal
Ignore the subject to explore complex contents of the treasures in stow
No measure in gold could account for the tales foretold by The Mona Lisa
She tells of fiery roads to hell in her details poised like the Mother Teresa
Expressionless she expresses dark conflicts & war waged deep in the soul
Wicked specters exposed in the swirls of old dabbed off the palette in bold
Behold the secret crossing of man over the bridge linking dreams to reality
Brutality fueled by embers of sinners venting up thru floorboards in sanity
Humanity's vexed, her small arms are at rest & our arms are forever in test
Back turned on a wasteland of pure regret darkened in hue to convey it best


Portrayed by the best impressionist,
...the Renaissance gave birth to more than mere perfectionists

Deceptiveness in terms of painted messages,
...encoded by a true confessionalists saturated in burden and guilt

Unlike pouring bur bon 'til tilt,
...this intoxicant could never be spilt on the grounds of a world we built


...The reveling winds of an ancient awareness prepared this paint by numbers
Tainted pictures in Da Vinci code awoke me from 'The Grips of Eternal Slumber'...


If a picture paints a thousand words,
...then a thousand nerds should be called to attention
to test comprehension of the written words,
...I have left you, here in this hand written ascension


"Forever moving upwards by shaking the grips of eternal slumber"

By: Bounce

Guzzle the glow of the nectar that drips from the brushed tips he's gripped
Rushed whips hush lips but this painter speaks loudly in oils he's dripped
The spoils of which will remain eternal in pic's and lucid images flick'd
Translucent as script inscribed on parchment then lit by damages kick'd


If a picture paints a thousand words,
...then a thousand nerds should be called to attention
to test comprehension of the written words,
...I have left you, here in this hand written ascension


nice
good art
good vocab use
dope
fosho

Thanks for the read, it's appreciated...

God damnit you are good.

Boo @ me having to look up 1 or 2 of the words you used.

But yeah... this was very nice... way to work with a pretty generic picture.

Someday maybe I'll write this well



Oh yeah... go read mine... nobody else seems to want to lol

Wow Bounce this was an incredible peice..excellent source of imagery throughout
flow was nice and smooth...structure was very nicely layed out...even...
topic was interesting and pretty creative and was very enjoyable to read.....
rhymes were awsome...multies as well....complexity and vocab was definately here..
great peice overall...peace

Thanks for the fed guys, you know I appreciate it.

Rdot, I'll peep yours in a few, and if I remember right you were in the finals of WOP2, so you didn't get there by not displaying skill.

up..

Bounce, I was a bit gutted I didn't get round to reading this while it was
actually posted up in SS. I intended to, but time flies. Anyways, this was
such a great piece, in a lot of fucking aspects. A few people on Rb think
your high range of vocab' is b/s a lot of the time, but as an English grad'
I can tell them its definately not. Even for me, its hard top grasp how
you can incorporate a complex use of vocab' into a well rounded piece.
I guess experience does take its toll, and you are milking it for every
drop. It must make for some damn good songs when writing.

For the concept itself, you kept me interested all the way through.
Not because the concept jumped out at me, but for the fact your
description/imagery was almost just TOO vivid, lol.. if that's
possible.

See for me, creating an atmosphere in a verse is one of the most
important traits for a writer. I may sound a little gay, but it is.
The reader needs to feel what you're writing.. and I can honestly
say, you had me feeling every line you wrote.

For anyone who's read the Da Vinchi Code, the Mona Lisa is nothing
more than a front for something far more important. But you killed
the grain of the book and made the painting seem like the grail itself.
Dope, all round, man. Keep doing your thing.

roflmao @ me lookin up words to buy damn bounce dis shit was fuckin dope man om hof possibly legends welcome this piece cuz u had excellent wordplay and vocab you structure was on point and it was complex man i dunno wat else to say man nice piece

Thank you Brix, and I really appreciate the credit you are giving my work. I know many are going to vote against me just because they don't understand how the language I use is relevent in the write. I know some of the well read members do grasp and appreciate the mixture I give them, it's just those members are usually to busy or simply not around here too often. So, I expect to lose each week at whatever it is I'm particpating in. Cool with me, I am more concerened with getting my message out than being popular of the favorite. I just love to write and I have instructed at the university level, so it just blows my mind when kids come into my threads and suggest I didn't use vocab correctly. I kind of shine it on for the most part, every now and again I have to call them on it though. It seems as if these same members are hating on a style that prior to a few select writters here, did not exist. I have kids that use vocab in their writtens that is beyond forced and just flat out out of context tell me I'm doing the same. It is always awesome to see members who actually do understand and appreciate the vocab I put into soem of my writtens. I have scaled it back here on RB for this very reason. My writting off of RB in the published world is where I focus most my energies now days. For a long time I did not write for RB, I'm just knocking off the rust and getting back into it.

I really do appreciate everyone that takes the time not only to read, but get into my head and disect the verse...

up...

up...

I respect you much. Always coming with such great Open Mic. This was an incredible peice. Real hard peice. The extremity of the emotion put into it was fulguorus. I always love reading your Open Mics. I'm trying to see more of the better peices in the site. The imagery waas good and the high use of vocab was good. the rhyming was good and it was pretty intense.
So overall impressive, I must say, I suggest you write in some mag and get it published.