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Must Escape.
His mind is racing, the thumping of his heart going rhythmatically
When the plan was announced 3 hours ago, he jumped to it estatically
He knew what would happened if he was caught, knew the consequences
But a few extra years were nothing considering what the con's stint is
In fifteen minutes, the plan was about to be executed
His friends and he were about to escape from the state of Massachusetts
He heard the constant drip of the water fountain to his right
Then envisioned the open world, which was way out of sight
He reached under his matress for his makeshift weapon
That's when he heard the guard say "Guys, get to steppin"
He stepped into the courtyard, and was blinded by the sunlight
He would of never been here if it wasn't for that gunfight
He had gotten slapped with 2nd Degree, and sentenced to thirty
He noticed he was deprived, freedom for he was thirsty
He felt the adrenaline and gathered with his peers
Looked up at the guard, whom faces were filled with sneers
He handed his weapon to a man named Chris
Then muttered to himself, "Bet they're not ready for this"
He saw Chris walk over to a man, and stab him the shoulder
Then started to run, with all the confidence he could bolster
The guards were too busy with the riot taking place
To notice The Man had escaped with his friends in great haste
The man began to run north and eat, although he had no money
The only thing left on his mind was to get to a foreign country
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Uhm.. Well, this was alright. Nothing great, it seemed rushed and streached. You had 1-3 syllable vocabulary usage. You could go find synonyms of words, and whoa at the shitty wordplay. I mean, no offense but it wasnt great. I've seen better flow, some parts were wounderful, some parts were horrible. You really should have taken your time on such a great topic, I expected a lot more out of you. But no hate, go check and read peices from Bounce, Aines, and D.H. Brixton. They are some of the greatest topical writers I know. You could elevate, and I expect you to. Oh, and before I forget, next time you write, go more in-depth about what happened after he escaped, or why he was leaving, why he was in jail. Ight? Ight. Overall this wasnt the best peice, definatly not even average. Just keep writing and you'll elevate with time.
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this was ok... i didnt see the point to this piece, i would say work on better vocab and rhyme schemes to make it more interesting... the story modes difficult to write sometimes
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they rymin was good. it did seem a lil rushed cause the way the lines where stretched. it was a good read though. it imagery an vocab. some wordplay but not much. but you did ya thang so i ain't gonna hate. an could you return the favor an leave feed on this om. http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=284125
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k if i don't tonight i will tomorrow.
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it was aight. good imagary and vocab.keep practicing and youll get much better
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