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Alphabetically Enhanced
First time trying something like this all feed is welcomed!
The Devil’s Topik
Advocates aspiring action, although anger arises automatically, Assuming
Blood boils beneath broken boys backs, but beautifully blooming
Blunt betrayers, bringing blasphemy between bundled believers
Cautiously creeping casually, conspicuously convicts cradle cleavers,
Drowning downward disgusting days, depending deeply depicts,
Destroying dubious dilemmas, depleting dat devil’s dried districts
Efforts eating eternally, enough energy evicted encasing eternity.
Finding feeble friends following fiends furiously from foreign fraternity,
Gathering greed, growing greatly grotesque, gripping God’s goods,
Homes haunted horrifically, hoping homeless have happy hoods,
Intricately intensity inspires ignorant idiots into improvising intelligence
Illusive Inks inducing invitations, ironically implicating irrelevance,
Jokers joining jackals just justifies jackings. Jesus’ juveniles juxtapose
Keeping kingly knowledge, kids knitting karma kindly killing klepto’s,
Lyrically lying low, lovers long, lucratively lusting lavish linings
Mechanically men may motion monotony, missing mere mining’s.
Naive newborns notice new nuisances, never neglecting necessity
Openly oppressing origins, occupying our openings obsessively
Poisonous projectiles pierce pure people, purposely picturing perfections
Quality quantity quickly quilts queenly quandaries, quaint questions
Resulting rapid ricochets, retorting recommendations replacing
Satisfied supplements, swaying students, schools silently spacing
Truth throughout tedious temples, trying through thunderous times
Uttering ugly ultimatums, ultimately utilizing useful undermines
Vicariously vixen’s vivid vaccinations, verifying Violent Vaticans
Working when wielding weapons wildly, wondering wondrous wins
X-uberating X-cellence, X-haulting X-tending X-citing X-centrics
Yellow youths yielding Yiddish, your yesterday’s yizkor, yentas
Zealously zoom zygomatically, zany zookeepers zoning zenanas
my 2 links:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...d.php?p=4332554
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=285549
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Eh... Decent flow and clearly an excellent use of alliteration but, if you lose sight of a topic than any experimental sturcturing or flow is basically useless. When you read this is sounds good at first, but when you look below the astetics than its just a choatic mess of nouns and adjetives. Also the lines were way to long... They could be cut almost in half. Uuuum, ya... Respect for going after something new and trying to stay creative, but never lose sight of concept or storyline. I'm assuming you didn't even start with a storyline, but rather just this plan to write with alphabetic alliteration. Nice try but, jsut didn't quite do it in terms of content.
I'd apreciate it if you could return the favor:
"L.A. Reed Bought my Soul"
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=287417
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too much nonsense, really half od it is like wtf? good words,...
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yo I feel the whole Papoose "Alphebetical Slaughter" thing you went for here. But it seemed like you lost sight of the story and got trapped in the whole Repetition thing. I see in the beginning where you tried to keep a "concept" together but you lost it pretty quick. all in all I'll give you a C- but an A- for the semi-original concept
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A really great concept. Only problem is that whatever meaning was lost in the process which is completely unexpected.
Flow: Good enough
Wordplay: I guess it may have had but I couldn't decipher any topic so its questionable.
Imagery: same comment as above
Complexity:The rhyming and putting together of the concept must have been complex.
Overall: It was an interesting piece but not very enjoyable due to the message being lost.
Check out mine: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=287523
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blah...this is a hard style to match...papoose did it the illest...but i gotta give you credit...this took some time to contemplate, cultivate considerably dynamic dissention doing of a piece like this...lol...but ill shit dun
stay up
yo
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i thought you wrote well here... actually both you did... but i thought you had a new style and take... havent seen much from you but this was nice... good work... imagery was the strong part here... keep that up :)
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