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Euthanasia
My mind is plauged by internal frustration
My emotional feelings have fallen off their foundation
Without my brain consenting, my fingers begin to tremble
As I begin to sweat, with beads coming down the size of a thimble
My hands now steady enough to where I can open the case
My eyes dart to the chalky white wall, for I cannot look at his face
He's just a miniature infant, with enourmous problems
His complications had been studied, but doctors couldn't solve them
His mom was on welfare, with no father to support him
Because that man was in jail for extortion
I knew so little about this baby, yet felt so much anguish
As his eyes dug into me, with his own special language
Understandably so, nobody wanted this boy to die
But they knew once his pain was gone, he'd spread his wings and fly
As I choke back tears, I pull the clear syringe out
And wash the youngster's arm...Then turning off the spout
I gently lay him on the cold, barren, silver table
The tie his undersized arms to the table to keep him stable
As I put a firm grasp on his arm, I move in with the needle
And merely watch as the baby's resistance is week, for he is so feeble
Then I watch his eyes bulge, and look at me with a begging plea
Then I tilt my head upwards, and ask:
"Lord, oh Lord...Why'd you bestow this on me?"
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Good piece man, The concept of the story was good overall. You had a nice choice of voab that kept me into it the whole time. I felt some of the lines could have been worded better and some of the lines were a little rushed although you still magnages to keep an excelent strutcure and a nice flow going. Imagery was pretty good, you could have worded things a little bit better but you still got me to visualize what you were saying. I felt you're emotion it felt like you had a strong connection with this piece.
My mind is plauged by internal frustration
My emotional feelings have fallen off their foundation
Without my brain consenting, my fingers begin to tremble
As I begin to sweat, with beads coming down the size of a thimble
Very good opening, set the story off right with good emotion
Please leave feedback in Krnoik booms and mine when we drop it shortly. thanks
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I Liked This Peice Alot. The Imagery Was Amazing An Fit Quite Well With The Wordplay. Your Story Telling Was Also Good. The Vocab Was Good Along With The Theme Of This Work. I Liked How You Ended Your Writing An The Desired Flow You Had To It.
Favorite Line
-My hands now steady enough to where I can open the case
My eyes dart to the chalky white wall, for I cannot look at his face
That Brought Out Alot Of Imagery With Just That Bar^
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this was a really good peice i liked it a lot for one thing the topic was interesting unique which is great to see imagery... where do i start basicly best ive seen in a long time and you kept it up for the most part to your wordplay and flow were both very good and rhyming was good structure was also interesting the only time it was off was i think in one bar in the towards the middle but that doesnt matter so much great job
leave feed on the om in ma sig
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first thing i noticed was the excellent strucutre and rhymes...and pretty different topic it cuaght my eye..flow was nice when i read it...i liked this peice man, i really did..soo good peice man...overall i i'd say 8/10..keep it up............
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