-=Cocaine=-

Scriptures deadly compromising
As Virtues turn to Craze
I've pulled lives into perspectives
Compensating,Evaluations of praise
Stricly Hazed,Of more grams payed
Creating an imaginary,Minds fall into a daze
Foretelling what I write,To intend what I say
As I pray,I elevate scenes
From dreams,to Kilos in K's
Hearts racing,Tipping in Amaze
Bill to nose,To get thru Another day

Ill rattle Ya brain Cuz,Drive ya Insane
Im real,I deal,I kill...I take the pain away
Ill rattle ya brain cuz,Drive ya Insane
Cuz if you dealing,Then you killin
On my mind is Cocaine

A bit sloppy,but its a start
I plan to record when i get i 2nd verse
Any feed?

not good i dont think, u can workon structure and worplaying......flow was ok, but this piece was average

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=168633
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=293715

Quote:

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A bit sloppy,but its a start
I plan to record when i get i 2nd verse
Any feed?

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WACK ..if you tried your best..if you didnt....wel WACK..Biatch

work on...............hhhhmmm...EvErythin BiATCH

this was descent. structure was all over the place.
flow was alright i guess....rhymes were alright too..
no vocab and complexity. topic was meh..aight i gues..
overall this was just a descent peice. keep elevating

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Black Ninja

WACK ..if you tried your best..if you didnt....wel WACK..Biatch

work on...............hhhhmmm...EvErythin BiATCH

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http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=293545
Biatch??
Such a typical wigger

i resent that remark...wigger..thats tha stupidest derogitory term ive ever heard..and unfortunately only ignorant peoples use that term...but aside from that...your piece was elementary...you had no complexity or real wordplay...no multis..your structure was just everywhere...i feel you have potential,just a little practice and concentration,you could get aiight in a few years.....try and incorporate some complexity and imagery..and lengthen it up some..very short....other than that..not too bad.....if you plan on replyin with some bullshit about my reply..dont..if you cant constructive criticism then you shouldnt post your pieces on here for them to get critiqued...keep elevatin and droppin.~1~

your wordplay was ok but ur structure was a mess but i see some potential and if you keep at it u'll get better. step up yo vacab. and try 2 use similies and metaphores,keep elevating and keep droppin


INK

nice shit.....needs work tho