Finally a new piece from Para - Untittled

Some shit off of a track I'm doin with a group in my city. I went 40 lines of pure rhyming. check it out.

All the people that remain here equal flat
A creation of blame was made so lethal that..
People found terror brought to it’s feet
Now cats with no dignity lose the heat
But hope was in wonder of a imperfect place
Witness the ugly, realize the disgrace
Or become the specialist of drownin deceased
While crying in panic and frownin on peace..
Time became limited without a solution
Look around man, you can’t doubt the pollution
Salute yaself to the world, become the man
Take time to perfect shit or be dumber than
This nark talkin’, this dummy frontin’ lots
Runnin’ off track, the music’s drummin’ spots
There’s dots on your face, scared of cats
Get ya shit together or be spared to rats
Your one being, the one seeing the stars
That’s a lie so levitate by fleeing the bars
Intoxicated, built of sorrow by choice
Not quite true? Yo, tomorrow will joice
Does it really matter? Yo screw what said
Don’t fake feelin chill, it aint coo to dread
I heard you took pills without a power of will
Never contemplate, take a hour to chill
Be questioned, while you learn your lesson
Don’t ignore me, just burn ya session
Keep feelin the cut, rush through the street
Just notice, focus on the view they meet
Feel the breeze than fall real deep apart
They scream with heart, they sleep departed
Real understood, told in one prospective
Felt inside, the underground is elected
The best, the most illest to feel or witness
Keep it smooth and fire some real shit in this
Or run around careless, without a trace
Why disgrace, just cause you doubt their taste
Yo be real to the world, specially love
Don’t hate, regulate for a chance to rub
I love, yo man I love to dream
So I don’t act like you and run my dream

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...37#post4682337
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...22#post4682322

complex format had its ups and downs you got the talent but it doesneed polishing never the less this wasnt bad at all i enjoyed it just needs more umph and punches

this was a good read but ti feels like a revised freestyle not something you would have spent umpteenth amount of hours on. I liked the flwo and the writing was good, for soemthing off a track the structure and form were very good, cause whenever i write for audio ish i usually fuck up the structure lol, but yeah overall a good piece that needs a lil work for a spark. I reckon it will sound even better on audio na mean, do ya thing.

yea man, but yo you don't use punches in topicals. I never use punches at all infact unless I battle. I use metaphor's if anything and as I said this isn't a real topical piece man.

the first thing i noticed was the flow, EXELLENT flow! i couldnt really catch a topic for this, seems like just more of a blantant freestyle. but it could probobly go with the "street fame" beat from tupac very well. i didn't get much complexity from this but i would like to hear it on audio. make sure you let me know if you do make it a freeverse or somthing. good job though.