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Wicked - It Was Here
It Was Here
(the first place)
Every night I wake up, in the first place we made love.
The first place we fought - The first place we made up.
The first place, cause, it was here that music saved us.
It was here that I played “Lust”, my favorite record.
It was here that I savored nectars, of a goddess in flesh.
It was here that I promised to protect her honor & respect.
Then she promised the same, through the fire & storms,
But it was here, one cold night, that I died in her arms.
I play my heart out, while my spirit speaks
& as I pluck the fender, she hears it weep
It was here that it happened, in this dusty old jazz club.
I filled my glass cup, right after my 3 songs wrapped up.
I laughed cause is was bittersweet that I was here alone.
My love was sick, & decided that she would stay home.
So as the next band played on, I got my jacket & hat.
I left, but didn’t remember my guitar until after the fact.
So I had to turn back, I couldn't leave my new fender.
I was feet from the club door when I saw a guy enter.
He had a hunched back & seemed to be a bit high, but,
I thought nothing of it, so I reentered the nightclub.
When I entered, the hunchback was robbing the place.
The door scared him, so he fired, & I was shot in the face.
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I remember opening an eye & my girl was holding me,
But with a hollow tip in your cheek, your focus flees.
I blinked in & out, to the soundtrack of her crying.
She got there before the cops, & watched me dying.
Her face was a red mess & she held me, seeping tears.
I looked in her bright eyes & felt death creeping near.
She tried to keep me awake by shaking my head.
She looked at me, then looked around the club & said:
“Do you remember? This was first place we made love.
The first place we fought - The first place we made up.
The first place, cause, It was here that music saved us.
Baby, It was here that I said ‘through the fire & storms’.
&, trust, It is here that I will not let you die in my arms.”
She cried and cried, & the memory is still sad, today.
I nodded at her, then I closed my eyes & passed away
I play my heart out, while my spirit speaks
& as I pluck the fender, she hears it weep
Now, my ghost comes back, every night, to raise the club.
I play my heart out, in attempts to serenade my love.
She’d never returned here, but I call her with my music.
I infuse it with all my heart & signature jazz influence,
& after years, she walked into this club, heeding my spirit.
She walked in crying, with a music sheet, reading my lyrics.
Years of playing had finally lured her back here to me.
She didn’t see my ghost, but she could hear me speak.
& she heard me ask for one last dance with my love.
Then I whispered into her ear: “It all began in this club.
Do you remember? This was the first place we made love.
The first place we fought - The first place we made up.
The first place, cause, It was here that music saved us.
Baby, It was here that you said ‘through the fire & storms’
& It was here, one cold night, that I died in your arms.”
I wiped her eyes & asked her to please not cry today.
Then, my spirit embraced her, & we danced the night away
I play my heart out, while my spirit speaks
& as I pluck the fender, she hears it weep
I would play & play, as the years would flee
But now I'm fine, cause she's here with me
Life
Death
Music
Love
It was here.
http://img73.photobucket.com/albums/...zzzzzzzzzz.png
A Hence Forward Product
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Incredible piece. Would sound great on an audio. I love how you don't conform to the idea that large vocabulary and a shitload of multies or metaphors is what makes a great topical. The story telling is excellent and the emotion a piece presents really makes for a more enjoyable read. I liked it.
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Good to see my favorite writer on this site finally decide to drop something again in Open Mic. Anyway, this is real dope. You've always held that particular skill that makes the content, storyline, and overall emotion overshadow the actual simplicity of your piece. Because anyone can write like you, but really, they can't write like you. I don't know if that made sense, but whatever. I really enjoyed this story and I liked how you incorporated your themes of love, music, death, and life all into one. Real good shit, Wicked.
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OoOoOo.. Bout time you dropped something for the kids again. & a beautiful read it was.. I'm not gonna lie to you and say your mechanics were dope, because they weren't. Don't get me wrong, your flow was on point, and your rhymes were nice.. just nothing that was a constant overhaul of internals etc. For me what IS dope, is the way you tell a story.. you kept me gripped and reading all the way through, and the emotion was what kept me here. Nice concept, kinda typical but not, lol. It was just a really dope read.. and through me babbling, I can't honestly put my finger on why I liked it so much (maybe I want you). Anyways, nice job, Chris.
Hit my latest whn you get chance.
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thats whut im talking about...some gud story telling...
an easy read...the concepts cool...though i have
a hard time relating to the characters...i still know
the type...you got a nice fluency in ya rhyme scheme
...i didnt really feel your opener...its not very engaging
for the length of this piece...though it worked well
internally...and for that to work it had to be there...
overall pretty consistant drop...nutthin really bad
about this...for whut its spose to be it works....
it is what it is i think...nice...
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Fuck all the mechanics, this was a great display of story telling It's been a while since aI read a real good story in OM. Everything fit well and the emotion came through just fine.
I reaqlly enjoyed this joint, it's a great example of what kids should be striving for along story lines in their OM's
Thanks for dropping in on us in OM...
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Thanks a lot for reading. I appreciate the replies.
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I'm feelin' this cause it had emotion and imagery. Makes one think about a relationship, etc. Pretty lengthy, but the structure and the piece flowed well so it kept the reader interested. Definitely a good one. Overall, I give it a A
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http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=299941
Hit that up^.
Stanza 1 - good introduction, it was very interesting, it set the tone for what might be a mysterious piece or elegant story. the rhyme scheme was pretty complex. and the piece was full of multies, which brought along the flow even moreso.. mixed with the smooth transistion between rhymes with a multie than new syllables.. good way to set the tone.
Stanzer 2 - The italicized bit was good, brough a bit of abstract-ness to the table.. good wordplay, and once again the flow was nice, especially for such short bars.. the flow was nice, except for the fourth line, the word jacket kind of messed up the flow.. this also set the tone for the story, with good imagery, i could picture it well...
Atana 3 - great imagery again, the soundtrack bit was a dope metaphor, but the grammar mechanics got in the way when you said she watched me dying... im a bit tired so it doesnt make perfect sense now... hmm.. death creeping near metaphor is a bit played... i liked the repititoin of stanza four... except for the fire and storms shit... sorry for the incredibly specicifc critique... this piece is damn near perfect though.
stanza 4 - incredible ending.. this was so dope.. everything was basically perfect.. im nt even gonna stare it for minutes like i did previous stanzas while i try to think of somehting that was wrong with it..
overall - nice piece. the topic was a bit played but you wrote this piece so good i forgot. the themes bledend well.. and i liked the mix of simplicity and complex breaks inbetween.. incredible piece
remember: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=299941 :)
omhof for sure..
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Mechanics take the backseat, fuck, they fall out the window and get run over, when put up against emotion and storytelling ability. Wicked displayed these things with style in this piece, thats all I can say. even after reading so many of his other pieces, this was something special.
Legends
