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Drama
*I love you please don’t leave yet lets talk bout this*
Enough of the bullshit he said...im sick of the lies.
You’re never honest about time we say our last good bye
I’ve cried enough…to many wasted tears…
Never believed me when I said losing you was my only fear
I can now see clear…why we had so many dam fights…
You always got pissed off at me for nothing every dam night
The time I know im right …I wish I was wrong I really do…
I always wanted to stay with you…even after all u put me thru
But you cant stay true…always wanting to run my life..
I can’t believe I once said I wanted to make you my wife
Told u im yours till death do us part…
But I guess even after I let you…couldn’t hold to my heart
Maybe this is for the better…but then again maybe not…
During every one of our fights…you just left me on the spot
That’s how I knew it was to good to be true…
And just to think one day I wanted to say….I do.
*please baby let me explain*
We start to talk…we get closer every time
As she knows...its for her that I try to rhyme..
Baby please one more chance that’s all I ask
I jus got want you back that’s my only task
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*they get back and she gets caught cheating*
Damn I fell for your shit again…why must I fall
Now I know why u never wanted my call..
Got my hopes up fuckin dirty slut
That door to my heart I should’ve screwed shut
And I actually went back to you..
Thought our love grew, u played me and I would’ve never knew
I guess some things are to good to be true….
Now hop in the car we going for a lil ride
Don’t worry babe im not gonna do half as much as u did to me inside
Now to get some rope…we don’t want you to get out..
O yea and before I do all this..please tell me what this fight was about
Uhh baby its cause I cheated by mistake..
Naw girl its cause our relationship was fake.
But we can work jus one more chance
O I hate to say…but I knew u was a bitch at first glance
Now to get the car started…im sorry babe this aint what I wanted
But I know now that life with you in it..is gonna be haunted
Deep down I may have feelings still..
but what could I possibly say cheating is your only skill
I can’t do this something’s holdin me back
...I hate to do this but you made me crack....
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uppin some feed...leave links and i`ll hit them soon..
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this is a gd piece, ur mood/anger changes in it
u had sum parts which were calmish, but then sum parts which implied u were tryin to bring more anger in
Now hop in the car we going for a lil ride
Don’t worry babe im not gonna do half as much as u did to me inside
Now to get some rope…we don’t want you to get out..
O yea and before I do all this..please tell me what this fight was about
Uhh baby its cause I cheated by mistake..
Naw layne its cause our relationship was fake.
But we can work jus one more chance
those lines make me think tht u were tryn to do a 'Kim' style piece out of ur own situations
th rhymin in this piece was a bit simple
ur flow was consistent, and ur structure was iight
i liked this piece, keep up
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yeah nice format. vocab was ok/good. but all in all used well/ worded on point...
rhymes was ok.mostly basic. cud be more elevated here and there........ but yeah worked well neway.
flow seemed a bit off in a couple of lines here and there..........
not many as such "stand out" lines. but all in all flowed well. nothing concept or originality - wise that amzed me. nothing illicit explicit or sic to write home about. but a decent joint still
keep poppin
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It was just basic. Nice message and content but nothing really popped or stood out as outstanding or jaw dropping. It was all very there, and very safe which left me completely bored the entire time. Try utilising some more techniques like stronger imagery and more emotive language.
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This piece was average at best. It was very simple, and the vocabulary was very, eh, predictable. The Development was decent, but I wasn't really able to get into the piece. Your structure wasn't appealing at all to me, but different people like different structures. Some gramatical errors, you'll learn to correct those in time.
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thanks for all the feed..uppin some more feed leave links.
maybe some tips to elevate also lolz
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i`ll hit that tomorrow...uppin...
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We start to talk…we get closer every time
As she knows...its for her that I try to rhyme..
Baby please one more chance that’s all I ask
I jus got want you back that’s my only task
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*they get back and she gets caught cheating*
Damn I fell for your shit again…why must I fall
Now I know why u never wanted my call..
Got my hopes up fuckin dirty slut
That door to my heart I should’ve screwed shut
And I actually went back to you..
Thought our love grew, u played me and I would’ve never knew
that was my favoirite part i like how you have different emotions in thsi piece bra you really have a nice feelinto this topic youyr vocab was nice also nice visulization i could actually see this while i was reading it i like your structure on this piece also over all nice piece bra keep the peen irratation the paper
