"Quiet"

[This poem is dedicated to the time-gap between the era where me and Ryan grew apart and i found higher friendship with my partner Jess, who has now grown to mean everything in the world to me.]

Quiet
And he and I aren't speaking anymore,
'cause I'm rebuilding my dreams on this cloud,
And he and I could have been once before,
but we salted all our bliss with indulgencies.

He sided me in sable swaddling clothes all the way to
the rushing flash, outlined in an icy arena. I heard the slosh of livid
black water in anguished stabs. We twirled and cornered.

Never touched my heart once I was wasted: he waved, on a whim, a passing
Chesire smile obscured by ignorant signs and tempting snow.

I was pulled into
the domain of Ophelia and Elaine, the baptismal waters where pale
girls swim in murky recall; there, I slipped under.

And he is feeding some girl his friendship,
and I'm discarded in the riverbed,
to reminisce, and build with my love.

When I went cold, my whole world said she’d follow me to Hades. When
she took me it was Demeter to Persephone - the earth was blighted
by our lava spit, stones shattered by our groans, our gnashing teeth
and low moans rang out like the whiplash thunder.

And she is sleeping peaceful in the sky.
And there is not enough left of me -
there is nothing awake in me,
nothing left with which to reminisce, she has it all.

Be not so wanton in your grief, Jess, for I am only the child.
He threw me to the dogs, but you pulled me up to this
quiet burrow in heaven.
I killed the earth when I died,
and you always said we savour after our sin.

this was a real cool piece man. i feel like this is the first real substancial poem i've ever read from you. in the majority of your older pieces with the exception of one of your tournament drops there was always this level of lacluster and underdeveloped "STUFF." it always seemed like you could easily do so much better but just didn't really put everything into it. but this on the other hand ... was one of the most authentically heartfelt pieces i've read in awhile. i don't know if it's the fact that the idea of discovering your true friends is so relateable to me or what, but the connection and everything was just so strong and vivid. i liked the fact that none of the elements were too overbearing. all of the language was very flowing and eloquent, which to mean was symbolic of the new relationship that was being developed. also, your use of assonance an alliteration was great. very subtle touches that just helped everything reach a new level of cohesiveness. all in all this was a great piece, like i said - probally my favorite from you. i'm probally going to nominate it if poeta hasn't clipped the nom thread yet. great job though, i'll have to keep my eye open for the next.

... oh an, was my hof worthy? eh? :hung:

Lol, thanks man i appreciate that. Especially from you :D.

Yours is definitely worthy, i just never bother nominating anything, i'll go drop a note on it now. It's a pity nobody took the opportunity to read yours, it's amazingly artistic.

Upping, thanks.