Black Roses, Red Tears

Previous thread was closed due to bad feed, I've got new feed links now. Enjoy.

Black Roses, Red Tears

http://img295.imageshack.us/img295/4...lf71190ef9.jpg

Converged, emerged, a once endless love, she couldn’t go without
Diverged, submerged, nor a kiss or a hug, yet she still stayed devout
Merged, her bruised heart, with pain and emotional doubt
Urged, a renewed start, without this drama and commotional clout

Tears wash away the nothingness of her bleached wedding dress
Fears cross dismay, as she lays in the conclusion of a shredding mess
Peers lost astray, where does she go? As she waits his treading address
Years rot in cliché, as she begins to grow, in her beheading regress

Drying… The feel, as she holds the last present of her deceased prince
Crying… The smell, as the timeless scent has been released ever since
The date, marked inside her heart, within her unreleased evince
Her fate, sparked aside her depart, amongst her increased wince

Her life, an uncommon heart attack, and of dead cheers…
Her strife, a wish, one solemn, of black roses and red tears…

*BANG*

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=315751
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...1&page=2&pp=15

NEW feed links. Uppin for feed.

wow..im suprises..real nice drop sir..the best thing about this piece was the inners and the rhyme scheme you had goin on....damn son dat shyt was ridiculous...

Quote:

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Converged, emerged, a once endless love, she couldn’t go without
Diverged, submerged, nor a kiss or a hug, yet she still stayed devout
Merged, her bruised heart, with pain and emotional doubt
Urged, a renewed start, without this drama and commotional clout

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so difficult and yet you made it look simple..nice job...
vocab was good enough ...u used some crazy emotion in this as well...
overall nice short drop son...looking forward to more from you...

i think you meant to put this in OM,but w/e this was an nie peace i enjoyed reading it the imagery could've been better but thee voab choosen and multis was tight like a vigin lol,i enjoyed this verse,the verse seemed so simplistic but overall was atually kind've reative never seen this kind of ryhme sheme used on this board befor,nowhere atually veery unique good job famo.

my bad lol i thought i was poeti scriptures but yeah dope peace

Thanks for the feed guys :D Uppin.

Nice lil piece here, a good return to RB if i may say so asi haven't seen you in a bit, anyway the rhymeschem was good i liked it withe the urged merged rhyming to begin the om at first. Your actual story was nothing spectacular but the way you wrote it made it more eloquent or should i say enjoyable. Overall, i reckon that this piece could have been made longer na mean, i mean it was good as it is but some more detail extra imagery could always have helped plus a longer storyline would have kept me entertained as well. Nothing to take anything awya from the verse though, as quality is better than quantity but i just wanted to read that little bit more lol...stay up and carry on writing.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Baron P. Mortuus

Nice lil piece here, a good return to RB if i may say so asi haven't seen you in a bit, anyway the rhymeschem was good i liked it withe the urged merged rhyming to begin the om at first. Your actual story was nothing spectacular but the way you wrote it made it more eloquent or should i say enjoyable. Overall, i reckon that this piece could have been made longer na mean, i mean it was good as it is but some more detail extra imagery could always have helped plus a longer storyline would have kept me entertained as well. Nothing to take anything awya from the verse though, as quality is better than quantity but i just wanted to read that little bit more lol...stay up and carry on writing.

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Yeah man, I'm gunna drop the verse i did in FL as on OM :)

Thanks for the feed dude. Uppin.

Hmm...you have came along way...I'm feeling most of the new style but i must say some times with the way you try to keep the rhyming up it throws off topic...But all together you had very nice flow on every line...the picture helpped me feel the peice more...I dont really like the lay out of your newer drops I dont know what it is i just dont feel it but we all have diffrent style of writing but good and creative drop keep up homie.

Yeah lol, I'm trying to mix everything up abit :D But thanks for the feed dude.

Uppin.

nice to see your back FAGGIT!.

lmfao this was a nice wrote out and thought out piece like B said this isnt a great story adn the title is pretty predictable which isnt a nice thing your twistyed the story here and theere and you eloped around from coming predictable and came new and original in your own way with your own style fero which is a good thing man. i liked how you thought the process our of your placing of words man real nice there with it man..the vocab was just used a bit too much cus it made things nice yes dont ge tme wrong but it seemed too string ya know but although and all together this is a great piece man nice drop and keep em coming!

RTF.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=316114

This was a pretty good and deep piece, man. I liked the way it was crafted, and the flow as pretty nice as well. The storyline was pretty dependent on the title, and a nice concept was going here. Good job with this one, man.

this was a nice piece but you didn't meet the line limit its 16 lines it was cool tho the ryhme scheme was fiyah to me nice flow concept was pretty cool i just loved the beginig was the most tho it was pretty difficult to start off like that keep it up
rtf
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...94#post5284994