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Love.
http://img120.imageshack.us/img120/8131/lllllllow0.gif
Love.
Wilted petals of a lilly bud.
Dispursed on a canvas of mind.
Subtle tears inept in blood.
Disguised animosity.........
..to which my hearts confined.
Tessellation of fears weilded into my heart.
Surplus emotions unsistainable to impart.
Questioning my darling, i stare into the abyss.
For my dreams tell a story..................
....................To hurtful to reminisce.
'When you wish upon a star...
Makes no difference who you are...
Anything you heart desires...
Will come true'
My heart dances on a silver lining.
I define love with the formation of stars.
Bliss glances, I'm forever unwinding.
For i dance alone no more............
.............on this magic of ours.
'What i gotta do...
To make you love me...
What i gotta do...
To make you care'
Heart ripped out and placed on a knife edge.
I weild the gun close to my temple.
To the woman i love and that i pledge.
For my darkest days are all to near.
I bid farewell my love..........
.......and i mean it most sincere.
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Re: Love.
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Re: Love.
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Re: Love.
I liked this actually. It was kind of a fusion between poetry and topical but it was cool. The short line structure was different but cool. I liked your approach to the topic because even though it's been done a lot, you pulled in lyrics and a different angle. Your vocabulary in this was intense, maybe a little too much for some people, but I liked it. The picture fit well with the rest of it too and you had a lot of imagery. Overall it was pretty good, but I think you could have put a little more into it and it would have been even more amazing. RTF on the link in my sig please
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Re: Love.
this was pretty good, i think it was kinda more of poetry, but im not complainin, i really liked it. i see ur one of the more respected topical headz, and i know why now. the picture fit the imagery, it was nice. one thing i thoght was awesome, was ow unplayed u made this peice. topic is played to death yet u still made it dope.
good job.
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Re: Love.
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Re: Love.
dope yet short peace unlike others i red recently his caputerd and holded my attention from opener to closer,the rhyme scheme demanded my attention flow was steady and you came pretty consistant,the vocab in this peace was diffrent from your everyday words, good job at steping out of the box, although your topic as an little cliche'ish I didn't catch that frm the first time I viewed it, but you played it out in an diffrently,this is deffinently Hof worthy, rtf on my peace.
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Re: Love.
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Re: Love.
Very nice piece my friend... it was well written indeed, though im going to have to disagree with others and say that it is not quite HoF worthy because of the plain and played topic, but it is most definately a step in the right direction... the changing rhyme scheme definately kept this piece fresh every verse and kept my attention throughout... also the imagry and wordplay was absolutely outstanding in this piece.. by far your greatest attribute to this piece and it carried a forceful impact on the piece.. also your flow was another one of your good elements to this, you managed to keep it on point with the short yet meaningful lines throughout.. the only problem with this piece in my mind is the lack of complex rhymes and the plain topic.. other than that this piece was phenominal, keep it up.
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Re: Love.
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Re: Love.
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Re: Love.
Sry took me soo long to leave some feed on this...
Anyways, Short piece made for a nice quick read, it some more poetry thoe, flow was iite.... Wordplay n imagery..... dont get me started...Simply DOOOOPPEEPEPEPEPEPEPEE :)
I unno pieces like this arnt normaly my style but i was feelin it :)
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Re: Love.
I like how this was very poetic with a little bit of a topical thrown into the mix.. I looked at the picture for awhile to see how you came up with what you did.. I like your take on the picture it was original..
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Re: Love.