“Romeo’s dead”- Ft- Sharp (Po’ Ethics collab)
“Romeo’s dead”- Ft- Sharp (Po’ Ethics collab)
Italic; Poeta
Normal; Sharp
The heart awakes, whenever the soul breaks…
You can see it in her eyes, as her lips begin to shake,
Tears delegate, across her cheeks, her face,
Trembles In her voice shimmer like winter lakes.
Splinters in fingers, allows no feeling of touch,
Yet poignant red dresses linger in lust.
I crave her taste every morning, dinner and lunch
but Her smile has a scar only a sinner can trust
I'm about two seconds too late to save her grace
and I doubt I can find another grave to take her place
God plays dumb, and wont accept the responsibility
Blaming me when her suicide took hostage of shivery
Misery reacts, and retracts common facts…
Brought her back to life, to find it’s a memory relapsed.
Collapsed in a heap, of roses as I weep,
As the angel of past poses in my dreamless sleep.
Turn back time; only to realise the clock has faded,
She says music sooths, but how many times can I play it?
Dancing on broken glass to the rhythm of hearts shaded
latent iniquity keeps the reflections of her mind gated
I am that wickedness which thrives in her catacombs
So if you break her tears in half, she doesn't stand alone
Says she wants to open my eyes, so I can stare at life
but I'd rather be blind than follow the steps to her paradigm
I freeze in my footsteps, reverse ice from my stare…
The guitars necks broken, so I guess the noose remains there.
Piercing anger, covered up by names shamed,
She gets a pearly gate, where as I remain framed.
Image reflects pain, yet even though it hurts me,
I still smile under life’s poety, as we dance through eternity.
She's the heaven I loved, the sincerity of beauty
Her life is gone, but her breath radiates through me
I miss her eyes, and how they reflected the sun
Sure I believe in angels,
I was infected by one.
Fly black birds fly.
Re: “Romeo’s dead”- Ft- Sharp (Po’ Ethics collab)
Re: “Romeo’s dead”- Ft- Sharp (Po’ Ethics collab)
wow i must say you talk about not being a topical head poeta but et for guy who hasn't wrote a om in ages your pretty good the story was wonderful really got attached to it. It seemed brief but it was an enjoyable read the emotion, depicted painted a vivid imagery in my mind. Lots of collabs today seem to be like when you get to the other writters section it seems like their starting the piece allover again but in this it was it was a smooth read all the way through expect for the begining of portion it seemed worded oddly to me but still great
im on the fence if this should be in hof let me think about it
and can you feed my piece wonderland
Re: “Romeo’s dead”- Ft- Sharp (Po’ Ethics collab)
Thanks alot, and i just fed on your piece man.
Re: “Romeo’s dead”- Ft- Sharp (Po’ Ethics collab)
But yeah, hook us up with some feed people.
Re: “Romeo’s dead”- Ft- Sharp (Po’ Ethics collab)
Man, I just don't know where to start, with such a unique piece. So I'll start with saying both you wrote some real emotional shit. And after I was done reading I knew I had to read it again. And Artist saying your not a topical head Poeta.... But I really think you should start dropping more shit. You and Sharp. But yeah once again this was very unique piece. And I plan on reading more shit by you sometime.
Re: “Romeo’s dead”- Ft- Sharp (Po’ Ethics collab)
Heh, po'ethics shit'n on the OM once again lol, the main reason why I wanted to join pfft oh well, this is for sure going to be in for collab of the week or w/e for teh mag, if i dont drop mines lol nah, lets get bak on subject, the opicc itself had me a bit loss I wasn't sure what I was going to end up reading, oncc I read the firsttanza I noticce a little disturbance in the mist like what gallo said I felt a little disturbance in the first and second stanza and their were rare times in sharp verse where I felt some words he should've found a synomnym to substitute for the word or maybe take iit out completely, because at times it made his peace seem un-natural at times, but thaats ommon and expected during the beggining of a collab that goes to show it happens to the best of them.
Sharp - you overall had the better flow and rhyme scheme through out this pie and it complimnted pota piecce and took off some of the stress onhis verse, you had mta's for days I just wish you try to make you piee come off as natural as possible, lol what you did was dope I want perfect Lol, and don't disredit yourself I know you an drop perfect.
Poeta - Pfft me and you know you're poetry headd and that really shows with'n your piece's, it's pretty ironic beause we both share that in mind, what you nee to ry todo i break away from that strick and percisive imagery, tone it down a bit, hts the diffrence from a dope poetry piece and a dope topical piece, a dope topial pieece consist of a nice smooth read and deep yet relate'able meta's and wordplay and a potry piece is more strick and fluent and meant/recomended for you to read twice to really take in what th reader was tring to convey with'n the piece. Remembeer if you cant tone it down mix it in or maake it seem more natural and relate-able.
LOL this prolly the most feed y'all recived from anyone and I'm still not done, okay as far as the imagery y'all really had that down pact although your wording was dope it could've really been perfecct with some key tweakings, your meta's and rhyme scheme really stood neck to neck as far as one of your best assets to thhis piecce and thats saying alot seeing that nearly everything in this piece was 4/5 stars, youur languuae really stood out in this piece and your wordplay well thats on thing that I didn't see alot of in this piece, but you surely brought on the whole romeo and juliet chaotic love atmosphere, good job folks, well what an i say this was a hell of a verse from you guys saying the least, these are jut my favorite stanza's im just going to make one quote beccause I might use up all my characters tring to point out and explain my favorite lines lol.
Quote:
Misery reacts, and retracts common facts…
Brought her back to life, to find it’s a memory relapsed.
Collapsed in a heap, of roses as I weep,
As the angel of past poses in my dreamless sleep.
Turn back time; only to realise the clock has faded,
She says music sooths, but how many times can I play it?
Dancing on broken glass to the rhythm of hearts shaded
latent iniquity keeps the reflections of her mind gated
I am that wickedness which thrives in her catacombs
So if you break her tears in half, she doesn't stand alone
Says she wants to open my eyes, so I can stare at life
but I'd rather be blind than follow the steps to her paradigm
I freeze in my footsteps, reverse ice from my stare…
The guitars necks broken, so I guess the noose remains there.
Piercing anger, covered up by names shamed,
She gets a pearly gate, where as I remain framed.
Image reflects pain, yet even though it hurts me,
I still smile under life’s poety, as we dance through eternity.
She's the heaven I loved, the sincerity of beauty
Her life is gone, but her breath radiates through me
I miss her eyes, and how they reflected the sun
Sure I believe in angels,
I was infected by one.
well they're ya go prolly the best feed rb seen in the longest lol word.
Re: “Romeo’s dead”- Ft- Sharp (Po’ Ethics collab)
Re: “Romeo’s dead”- Ft- Sharp (Po’ Ethics collab)
OHH FUCK! This was nice guys. I really liked it. I'm not gonna leave my original feedback because some people dont liek it and say its plain. I thoughtr this was a Hof instant peice. I loved it. Your stories were incredible and very emotional, enjoyed it so much. I liked the structre with its poetic touch and its easy to read. Keep it up guys, loved it alot and will nominate. RTF with my peice "Bible Left Broken". Please.
~Jon
Re: “Romeo’s dead”- Ft- Sharp (Po’ Ethics collab)
Thanks man, I'll hit it up later dude.
Upping.
Re: “Romeo’s dead”- Ft- Sharp (Po’ Ethics collab)
