A Story to Tell

A story to tell
I see cooked crack sold- giving white to black men
He’s got black friends- so he’s not a racist then
Spitting out truths of men in leather boots spreading
Disease in roots- black, white & brown- it’s deadening
The amount of population under influence of the drugs
Fluent in languages- bugged up listening to a grudge
That Mr. Joe Public has with the feds- dread instead
of a free place- next day Joe is dead- shot by a dread
undercover cop- never ever found again in the end
Round then if you spoke ill will- it’s shots to the body
So imagine the penalty of Shakur shouting Kill illuminati
Never found the crook, crooked cops let off the hook
Biggie was shot- hook line & sinker- never got up-shook
Fans- a populace in active apartheid- don’t- speak out
Keeping it all quite- they accepted the ridiculing shouts
Now it’s changed though- black bought out tracks
Self stereotype- eating chicken on the side a soda + snacks
They let the noodle soup let them coupe in new attires
Hired against a culture- commercially molded Liars
Due to fires from tracks- you’ve got white blacks amassed
Tight jeans sell well with the young beings attending class
A prep school- with its token black- man in hand a hope
To somehow find a new dealer selling cheap dope
A kid grabs him- he hid- in his corner- a corner shop
Brown skinned- false accent- he’s sells coke, weed- the lot
The black kids wants to be black so he purchases the leafs
Never rolled a blunt- blunt inexperience- he’s at unease
Getting stares from whites- they find him shady in light
Of events last night- where he was seen shuffling in fright
But to them he was another black kid dealing doses
To them he was another of the black men at the boulevard
So when a fight broke out- he was the first to be accused
first to be abused by bullies- neo Nazi wannabe fools
So in the end he drops out- tired of being eyeballed
A win- another victim- he was stereotypically blackballed

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=329222
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=329134

Aight..

I was feeling the whole racial issue here. Sounds like a third person narrative, and though not poeticly fluent it had a kind of poetic touch in some parts. The thought that went into this was alright, but the complexity and in-depth message you put into this lacked. Overall it wasn't really original with the topic, but I do like some of the phrases you used and generally the last 6-10 lines of it. The ending was a nice touch. Keep dropping fam.

Hit up the O.M. in my signature, preciate it.

Decent pieace

The structure was good wordplay was okay.....you stood on topic well but I think you were trying to hard for image for example
Now it’s changed though- black bought out tracks
Self stereotype- eating chicken on the side a soda + snacks

you didn't need this line it juss made ur verse longer......besides that this was a decent pieace juss try to put a lil twist something crazy or different next time you drop .....keep writing

That line represented how it went from the norm to being commercially viable by having stuff like chicken noodle soup.

Oh yeah a lot of effort didnt' go into this but yeah i still thought i'd put it up lol.

A solid piece man, although i was really expecting something stronger from you. You painted a clear enough picture about racial divides, drugs, the prostiuation of hip-hop, the problem with a topic like this is that its been done so often its difficult to make a piece about it stand out. Your vocab was solid, some multi's would've helped this out some. Still a notch above most of the shit on here.

Keep posting and please rtf: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=328993

shit, i started readin this n realized i gotta get ready for work. i'll get back to this when i get back from work. sry

i'm guessing you just started to write this as it came to you? not bad, flow wise was pretty good...i read right through it with ease...i liked the message of it, made a lot of sense..really liked the opening part btw...vocab was nice, i think you got a bit too caught up in the "example example - example - example" type of writing, but it wasn't bad. if you get the chance hit up my piece, it's on the front page.

Yo Baron, you ever going to return the feedback favor? Damn..

I will lol...i always do, anyhow- it'll take me a minute, i'll get around to it eventually no doubt.

mayne your structure still pisses me off lol i have to say though, you have a unique rhyme scheme. as far as the -'s, could those be replaced with a comma maybe? just wondering so i know how to read it. vocabulary wasn't absolutely amazing here but i think simple word choice was more so the focus here. as far as this being a 'story', by the title that is, seems you were more or less just rambling on a particular subject. all in all not bad, keep it up