Re: The Works of The Gods.
Re: The Works of The Gods.
Well i gonna be honest here and tell you that the first verse actually had me intrigued and brought into the story.
Quote:
You’d think beauty was keen as you notice schematic’s
While the mixture of love is what forces the habit
Gradually adding some spices of righteous
Enlightens the hybrid combined with lighting.
those first 3 lines flowed perfectly and were very well worded and was a great beginning 3 lines. Yet that 4th line kinda started the downfall to the rest of this piece. Its where the flow first broke up and it never really fixed itself again.
Now im not sayin the rest was bad because it wasnt, But it was kinda poorly worded in areas especially the last verse.
Quote:
As your tender words spice the air as if ginger herbs. I taste
The tongue of the one the best work of the Gods could create.
The skin so smooth as if a milk like substance. Something
I can’t quite put my finger on. The spices ohm! The spices.
Taste so good the way I eat it it’s embarrassingly frightening.
While well prepared to my liking I became aware of excitement.
This part really seemed rushed as well as forced pretty badly. I had to read it quite a few times which really killed the ending and the overall piece at least for me. I see things you need to work on as i mentioned above but it was a decent Piece... I dunno if you woulda beat me or not with that verse honestly but keep writing man... you have mad potential
Re: The Works of The Gods.
This was a very interestign peice indeed.
I did like now it was told bu the way it was written my bad thr concept was... just lil bit bland I'm not saying this n a bad way maybe its just me cos i had a rough day lol
But ok here the feedback lol
I know your a very talented writer and the begingin was very intrigueing as m pulse said I felt you you a lot of emotion and imagery in the versse it was really well put in. I am crituqing this peice as a whole veiw not my owns since i didn't like the concept so... they emotion ni the 2nd and 3rd part was very interestin and deep the imagery was flowing smoothly and the multis were nice and it came with deep vocab and the rhyme scheme was nice
so overall this was a very nice peice as a whole but i just ddidn't (in my personal veiws) like the concept of it
rtf >> My Unchained Melody
Re: The Works of The Gods.
Damn man this was fucking ill. You have skills upon skills upon skills. I don't know what my mans M. Pulse was talking about I thought the wording was superb from top to bottom. And this is such an original topic and visually can go so far. You could be anything or anyone, for instance you could be a
psychopathic-cannibalistic-lunatic or maybe a cyclops that eats people, UNLESS this piece turns out to be one big metaphor I failed to realize, hopefully it's not though, hopefully its as one dimensional as it looks, cause honestly, this isn't a piece that requires a lot of depth to be tight, its's all about the imagery here - and what great imagery you had..anything more would just complicate things. Anyway, this post was dope, great rhymes, great direction, killer idea..Just flat-out dope!
Favorite lines:
Quote:
You’d think beauty was keen as you notice schematic’s
While the mixture of love is what forces the habit
Gradually adding some spices of righteous
Enlightens the hybrid combined with lighting.
The meat is fresh and the meal will be blessed
As the cooks begin cooking as the table is set.
^Damn@that just being the opener, you wasted no time jump right into it did you? Seriously, this is just a FUN read with an even funner flow! Man your
crazy!
Again:
Quote:
As it cooks…
A sultry sense of the aroma douse my nostrils
As the stomach growls thinking of how tender it feels
Reeled in as if a fish to meadow bait. Aside the metal waits
For the taste should be sweat as I anticipate the dish's fate.
Clinching fork in fist fore I hunger for this.
Anxiously it just can’t be Me. While in knots my stomach twist.
Viewing butter toned skin. Perfectly
Cooked to perfection. By the perfectionist.
A God fulfilled wish upon glimpse. My heart weeps on sight.
As The platter is set and served to see what you taste like.
^ I swear this character reminds me of the cyclops form the Odyssey. Anyway, you had really good imagery there.
All in all man your getting hotter by the drop man, hopefully you'll cool down sometime soon cause you got the board smokin' right now.
P.S. - RTF(The Minority) it's posted Poetic Scriptures, hit that up when you get a chance.
pZ
Re: The Works of The Gods.
This was an interesting read. Definitely not really a conventional piece but had certain technical aspects that were inbedded in it. Loved the style. It almost read more like prose since you had such a good handle on fitting the diction to what you wanted to get across. The rhmyes were nicely placed to keep it moving at the proper pace. Nothing too stand-out-ish, there was just something unique about this that grabbed me.
Re: The Works of The Gods.
Appreciated...All links will be hit...2day..
Re: The Works of The Gods.
Re: The Works of The Gods.
Re: The Works of The Gods.
Re: The Works of The Gods.
