acid dreams

This is the first rhyme I've posted. Let me know what you think.

Drip drop from an eyedropper.// Eyes squeezed tight shut over a blotter.// Open up your eyes and take a look around.// Take it all in from the skies up to the ground.// Two, four, six, eight its 10 o'clock you're running late.// Take this hit yo and dont be scared,// I'm on seven now and look how well I've fared.// If you're gonna be chillin wit my team// do what you want but don't bait out the scene.// Boys be smokin their blunts then they be turnin green.// Puking their guts out on the grass, from the grass.// Try to stand up again and fall on their ass.

first time ever to flow? Well hmmm..... adive time: Find a beat that "flow" had no flow to it at all.. umm.. yea work on vocabualry.. word play.. and other things too... seperate the bars too. OoNnEe

yo, what up B... notice she said the same thing I told you like a week ago... you need to write with a beat, your flow is seriously off.. your vocab's a'ight.. try writing with use of metaphores and shit, don't get straight to the point, shimmy around it a little bit but still get it across... you stuck to the topic, most people don't when they first start, so you got that down.. the best advice I can really give you is to check other peoples shit and see what their doing, don't copy them but adopt a style..