My First Time Go Around... Give Me a Shot

You know, it goes a little somethin' like this:

Forty-five pockets of hot pockets,
Ima skip yo ass to the ground
And pop ya arm outta yo arm socket.
I'm live in the buildin'
And you can't stop this fight,
I feel stupid ass crazy
So light up 30 pounds of CC dynamite!
Take into consideration
That im the best one here,
Chuggin' the coke
'Til my ass rains tears.
Yall forgot the real rap god
So go play with some titties,
Whatever the fuck you do
I don't give two shitties.
I'm the VIP in this shazzle
With a 4th generation attorney,
Sit on yo torn up couch
And watch the weak ass golf tourney.
I got the entire galaxy
In the palm of my left hand,
While smart ass nerds like you
Reading about the Sandman.
Can you overdraw the one
that prepared to start it,
I rip your middle finger off
And send you to the psychiatric department.
Your doctor will be waiting
And ask, "Are you ready to leave?"
I'll break in and say "Fuck no,
This dude is dumber than my sleeve!"

You are a rapper.

There is no mistaking that.

Thanks bruh, appreciate your feedback.

JakeMcDig, I've been waiting for you to drop.
Sometimes when people pump themselves up, I take a little pleasure.
I hope they're good, but if they're not, that's when I smile and think..."Shoulda' kept that mouth shut."
I'm glad you're good.

You got a nice flow happening. The wording is cool. The beat is faultless, imo.
As Spartacus said, you do have that rapper thing happening.
And...'brag' looks so wanky, when you don't hit it off.
You hit it off.

This was great ...

Quote:

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Yall forgot the real rap god
So go play with some titties,
Whatever the fuck you do
I don't give two shitties.

---

.... lol Classic. Beautiful flow here. Top wording.

As an introduction piece this was cool.

Good Read JakeMcDig.

Thanks a ton, Emily. Whatever you feel I need to improve on, just let me know. Im trying to make my rap the best it can be.

@jakemcdig get your links in son

This was cool, I like your flow. It was your strong point very even and balanced. Humor was a strong vehicle used here, you can tell you're more of a lighthearted soul through reading this, i like it, different from most of whats read around here. One negative for me that most others won't be displeased with was the overabundance of punctuation, it got to the point i ignored your commas and periods lol. Word choice could have been better i chuckled at using pockets so much in the opening lines but thats me just nitpicking. Just reading this first piece from you i can tell you really have the fundamentals down but can and should delve deeper, tell us a story next time or come with a serious battle rap. stay up and keep writing bro.

I really like this and feel you had an impeccable flow... Simplistic in nature too which I prefer... Can you though speak of a topic of substance or is it all just fun and games to you? I mean can you write Brenda's Baby w/ that flo? Not challenging, just curious... I think you have the makings to go far if you have the ability to be diverse (at first sight). Good Job!!! I look forward to reading more.